Humanity's Doomsday Update: The Boston Dynamics Robot Can Now Do Parkour

RUMBLE YOUNG MAN MACHINE RUMBLE!!! Yeah I know that I should not be rooting for the robots that will wipe mankind off the planet and rewrite the history books to only tell stories of all the bad things humans did to the Earth during our time here. But I can’t after watching that video. You know why? Because I finally recognized that people like me were sentenced to death once the robots learned how to run, if I even make it to Judgement Day. But now that these battlebot bitches are showoffs that can do hardcore parkour, everyone is fucked, including super athletes like Francis.

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Don’t get me wrong, I like Francis and I am Team Human for life. But I am fine with these robots reaching a point where even Saquon Barkley is fucked once these things are fully operational battle stations. At some point you just have to tip your cap to evolution/the brainpower of the evil geniuses making these fuckers and gracefully walk into the sunset once you realize your family name will go extinct the minute Jeff Bezos starts mass producing these things in his effort to take over the world. The Clems had a nice run during their time on Earth. Hopefully I get to see the Knicks or Mets win a championship in my lifetime. Oh and I guess watching my kids grow up and start families of their own would be cool too, but I’m not looking to push my luck.

Obligatory topical clip from The Office: