Eli Manning Is A 76 Overall In This Year's Madden, Good For The 36TH HIGHEST Rated Quarterback In The Game
I’m not going to do what everyone thinks I’m going to do and FLIP OUT mannnn. Yeah putting my 2-time, 2-Time, 2-TIME Super Bowl MVP behind rookies, backups, the BOAT Blake Bortles, Ryan motherfucking Tannehill, Josh motherfudging McCown, and Teddy Two Gloves who hasn’t started a game since he had an injury that brought people to tears and vomit offends me. Eli was 1 point away from being behind three (3) different Jets QBs. But NFL players and their fans getting triggered about video game ratings is just an annual rite of summer. I’m not going to put whoever EA’s Ronnie 2K is on my Hiss List, bring up how Eli’s numbers weren’t that terrible the last few seasons despite not having an offensive line, or how his numbers were actually pretty goddamn good when Ben McAdoo was Eli’s offensive coordinator instead of Eli’s head coach back in 2014 and 2015.
Or how 82 overall Dak Prescott looked when All-Universe RB Ezekiel Elliott was suspended and the Cowboys backfield looked more like the backfield Eli has had for years, despite having a better line than Eli has had for years.
In fact, I want Eli to see these ratings. Sure, I would probably have to explain to him what Madden and Overall Ratings are since Eli probably knows everything there is to know about Mario and Sonic The Hedgehog while I imagine Madden was the game that Peyton and Cooper played nonstop while Eli was picking/eating dandelions in the backyard. But once he sees this type of disrespect, he will get as mad as Eli can get. And that’s good. I want Eli Manning angry. You know why? Because I believe Eli is like Forrest Gump in a lot of ways. A kind, gentle, wonderful soul who shines brightest when it’s crunch time. And what happens when Forrest gets mad? He fucks people up. Can you imagine the damage an angry, motivated Eli can do alongside a healthy Odell Beckham, a Saquon Barkley with new superstar smell, (at least half of) an actual offensive line and a coaching staff that doesn’t suck can do?
And if everything goes as well as I hope it does, maybe, just maybe the good people at Madden will raise Eli’s rating up to the immortal JOE FLACCO’S 79. Or maybe I won’t buy the game this year. Just kidding. Buying Madden regardless of if it’s a completely different game or just a roster update is an annual rite of summer as well.