A Lady Selling Crickets And Worms On The Subway Went Nuts And Threw Her Bugs All Over The Train
NY Post- A crazed woman trying to sell crickets and worms on a D train suddenly threw them all over the crowded car, sending it into chaos during the evening commute. The woman walked into the train car at about 6 p.m. Wednesday and made a pitch to passengers to try to get them to buy the chirping insects and wrigglers. A group of teenagers pushed her, prompting her to freak out and toss the box of pests into the air, said witnesses. Straphangers then started screaming and crying, and all ran down to one end of the car.
“It was pandemonium,” said Chris Calabrese, 29, who was on the train with his girlfriend. “It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen on a train.” Someone then pulled the emergency brake and the train skidded to a stop on the Manhattan Bridge. The air conditioning shut off and the screaming passengers were all stuck inside the sweltering car with the woman, who then treated them to antics for half an hour as the crickets jumped on passengers. The worms just wriggled on the floor. “She was banging on the doors and trying to climb out the windows. Everyone had crickets on their arms. My girlfriend was crying,” said Calabrese. “Then some men were trying to hold her down and she started trying to throw up on them.”
Just another day in the Big Apple folks! In most places, the crazed woman slinging crickets and worms on a crowded train during rush hour would have a red carpet rolled out for her so nobody touched her and she could get the fuck off the train after peddling her goods ASAP. Not in New York though. Here she get pushed by some bastard kids and does what any crazed person would do and throws the bugs everywhere.
This is how you know city kids are truly crazy. They’ve lived their whole life in a cesspool city where there are basically no rules once you leave the house. I feel like every city kid’s destiny is either working at a successful firm or becoming Leo from Basketball Diaries. No in between. And this story only hammers that point home. If you mess with someone that is clearly touched while she sells CRICKETS AND WORMS ON THE SUBWAY, you are already a complete fuck up.
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And if the all people that were on this train moved out of New York tomorrow, I wouldn’t blame them one iota. It would be the last fucking straw. The city is shitty enough when you don’t have a lady losing her marbles while throwing crickets and worms up your ass. Roaches and rats are more than enough to handle. But to have that scene play out for a half hour is too much to take. Whoever pulled the E brake should be locked up in jail and they should throw away the key. I won’t sleep for months after simply hearing that scream on my computer. Nightmare shit. And while I don’t love the thought of someone trying to make themselves throw up on me, I have to respect the move. The secret is to just pull the trigger in the middle of the train and make everyone else throw up just by looking at and smelling the puke. I’m actually getting sick as I type this.
And lets go to a Stoolie correspondent who says he was on the scene for this Barstool exclusive:
Avoiding the lady hurling piss and shit napkins one one side with crickets and bugs crawling on the ground is the ultimate two front war for a subway rider. Good times! I can’t wait to see which blogger gets attacked by a bug, piss, shit lady on the subway first.