This Lovely Woman Has Been Convicted Of Running a Baby Fight Club At Her Daycare Center

Fox - A day care teacher who turned her classroom into what a prosecutor called a “baby fight club” was convicted Wednesday on more than a dozen criminal charges. Sarah Jordan, 31, of Woodbridge, was the lead teacher of 1-year-old children back in 2013 at a Minnieland Academy classroom in Woodbridge. Witnesses testified that Jordan intentionally tripped children, stepped on their toes, encouraged them to fight each other and sprayed them in the face with a hose. Jordan testified Wednesday in her own defense and denied the accusations. She said she occasionally used the hose to sprinkle kids with water because the sprinkler attachment was broken but never tried to hurt them.  But prosecutor Ashleigh Landers said the three co-workers who testified that they witnessed Jordan abusing the toddlers had no bias against Jordan and one of them even considered Jordan a friend. Landers said in her closing argument that the atmosphere fostered by Jordan was “almost creating like a baby fight club” and did immeasurable damage to the psyches of impressionable children. Parents testified that their children suddenly became fearful of water and started acting out in ways similar to the abuse described in the classroom, like stepping on others’ feet.  The allegations against Jordan, and another woman, Kierra Spriggs, 26, first surfaced in a 2013 report from the Virginia Department of Social Services. Spriggs is scheduled for trial next month. The report found the women encouraged toddlers to fight and dunked children afraid of water into wading pools. It also found the women laughed about feeding kids Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

All I can do is laugh. I wonder what happened in this woman’s life that she wanted to spend all day around children…but also wanted to beat the shit out of children…and then have the children beat the shit out of each other. That’s some deep, deeeeeeep psychological warfare going on in her head. Reminds me of Ben Stiller’s character in Happy Gilmore, just terrorizing the old folks home.

She was like the ruler of the babies. Her daycare, her rules. Say something and you get your ass dunked in the wading pool. Go sucker punch little Sally Sue or I’ll make your small baby self eat a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto. It’s actually incredible that she was like “man, look at all these impressionable young children with undeveloped minds, let me completely fuck them up for life by making them fight each other”. That is next level fucked upness.

But let’s look at the bright side of this. It’s really not all that bad. Sure the woman is kinda screwy, but these kids learned at an early age you have to scratch and claw for every inch. Life isn’t all naps and juiceboxes, sometimes you have to stab your friend in the back during story time to move up the ladder. None of these kids will ever get purple nurpled or swirlied, and if they do, so help them if they don’t murder whoever did it. So if they can put aside that whole early childhood abuse thing, maybe there are some valuable lessons in there after all.