Hey Sallie Mae, Suck My Dick!

I’m walking on sunshineeeee woahh ohhhhhhhh and don’t it feel good, hey! Suck my dick all the way to the bank Sallie Mae. I’m free from your tyranny, from your abuse, from your calls that I ignore and emails that I’ve never opened. Nothing has ever felt better in my life. And I mean nothing. I’m floating, spinning like the prettiest lady in my sparkly dress on prom night. Never thought this day would come.

Only $10,550.57 before I’m totally debt free. Comin for that ass, Great Lakes. Watch yoself because next thing you know BOOM, I’ll make a lump payment so big your head will explode.

PS: I don’t know how Jordan sleeps at night. Christ.

Neat indeed.