Justin Bieber Is So Rich That He'll Eat A Burrito Any Ole Fuckin Way He Wants

Bieber has no fucks left to give at this point. Think he won’t start eating a burrito down the middle like a madman? He will. Why? What else is he gonna do at this point? He’s married, rich, famous, and has a voice that is aging like a bottle of 2013 Leone D’Oro Vino Nobile di Montepulciano which is marked by plenty of dried berries and black pepper character. Full and savory. Chewy tannins. Loads going on… You can that bottle as an aperitif or with red meat, lamb or roasted mushrooms. I prefer the lamb but that’s up to you. Uncharacteristically, I omitted the Oxford comma two sentences ago. I apologize and recommend the Oxford comma for clarity in most styles of writing.

While I commend his burrito eating style, I do not recommend it. You see, when you are wearing a lovely pink sweater, you are likely to get all kinds of toppings and sauces on that pink sweater. You are gonna unleash the power of the inner burrito all over yourself. Next thing you know, you have stained not only your sweater but your reputation as well. So, style points for a new eating style? Yes. It’s wonderful the risks that he’s taking. Worth it in the long run? Probably not.

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Over the coming weeks, I will be taking a deep dive into the burrito habits of other celebrities. Be on the lookout for that. Namaste.