I Need A Therapist But Don't Have One So I'm Writing This Blog Instead
I lost my mind yesterday and it’s continuing well into today. Not an irregular occurrence by any stretch of the imagination, but this one just slaps different.
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This time it’s at the hands of Chief.
I know.
Shocking.
But where there’s smoke there’s fire and I need to clear my brain before it explodes. We have a live show at a Jewel on Clark & Division tonight at 7pm and heaven fucking forbid I can’t make it because I’m dead. So let me address this argument and get all this stupid shit off my chest so I can go back to comparing life insurance policies. Thank you for your patience as you read this blog.
The argument is the Cubs shouldn’t hire Joe Girardi based on Theo’s status as the Alpha Male. Ricketts gave Theo the keys to the organization and I don’t anticipate Theo sharing Alpha Male status with a manager. That’s the argument I’m trying to make. I wrote a blog about it yesterday morning that garnered significantly more social media traction than any other Cubs blog I’m writing on the same day as Game 5 NLDS. So of course heading into recording, on the same day Joe Girardi is interviewing with for the job and on the same day I’m blogging about his job I think it’s reasonable for me to get into the podcast.
When I do, we’re talking about MLB Playoffs and to transition into the Cubs manager search, I say
“no surprise you’ve got some of the best managers in baseball time and time again down the stretch and that’s where the Cubs’ heads at trying to figure out who their guy is going to be. And it sucks right now because they interviewed Joe Girardi and I got stink all over this. It’s a Manchurian Interview.”
Chief tangos:
Me: Get Joe Girardi out of here
Chief:: Why?
M: He’s a dick.
C: Okay. Keep going until you say something I find offensive because I don’t think Dick should be a disqualifier. The Cubs might need that.
M: You might think they do.
C: They do.
M:You need to know that Theo’s the Alpha in every room. Whatever manager he’s going to hire, it’s going to fit his culture and his ways….
C: Does Theo Still have the right to be the Alpha?
M: Fuck Yourself.
Before I say anything else, that’s the almost-perfect transcript of our Cubs conversation on this week’s podcast heading into this argument. The one where I’m saying I don’t want Girardi around because he can’t coexist with Theo and how that’s so important to the Cubs organization. And I want to hammer this point home in the midst of this managerial search and crescendo my argument with some beautiful fucking spin zone about how David Ross does more than coexist. That while Girardi’s experience transitioning the Yankees from 2014 to 2017 is enough to make me second guess my hate for Girardi because it’s similar to where the Cubs are going but end of the day he’s a dick and you need someone who can gel with leadership.
But I can’t make that argument on the podcast because we have to question if the “leadership” even deserves to have that status.
That’s when my head explodes. That’s when I black out. That’s when I think anyone who can even remotely float that out there is a moron of epic proportion. That Theo Nathaniel Mother Fucking Epstein isn’t the Alpha on the north side.
The fact I’m sitting here writing this blog today and not face down in some ditch is a miracle. That I survived the night should be remembered forever because for the life of me Chief is supposed to be the reasonable one in the group. Dave stirs shit up. I get the fucking party started. Eddie makes you stay. And Chief is the one holding the whole thing together and I can’t even get the fucking words out of my goddamn mouth to support the relevant part of the conversation. Instead, I’m defending a first ballot hall of fame general manager, the single most qualified human being on planet earth to lead the team and reset the organization after back-to-back Septembers to Remember Forget? Is that what I’m really doing around here guys?
If the following resonates familiarity, pinch me:
I don’t know because it’s not my job. Good thing Theo Epstein’s in charge.
That’s my Holy Grail sentiment around the Cubs strategy both short and long term.
YO CARL WHO ARE THE CUBS GONNA TRADE FOR AT THE DEADLINE
YO CARL WHATS THE 2020 ROTATION LOOK LIKE
An overwhelming majority of the time I’m saying all I can do is speculate. It’s uncomfortable. I can do my best but I’m no more of a makret insider than any of you. And after Cup Snake Gate, I think we can all agree my media credentials will forever hang in Tom Ricketts skybox fireplace. So be it.
But now that I finally have a chance to sink teeth into a managerial comparison…. arguably the biggest managerial hire in Cubs history… and I have a chance to really sink my teeth into what manager fits better with the organization, then Motherfuckers that question absolutely is in my wheelhouse. No discomfort here. Let’s rock and roll.
But does Theo Still have the right to be the Alpha?
Yeah. Pardon my French but I can’t fucking believe we’re talking about this bullshit and to make matters worse, this gets turned into me being soft?
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(1:06:50)
Chief: You just talked about the bullpen. That’s Theo. You just talked about Almora. That’s Theo. Maybe he needs a guy to be like “hey why don’t you just worry about putting a team together, I’ll get the most out of them.
Me: They’re bringing Jason McLeod up to do professional scouting to be more dialed into free agent stuff. He’s working off his guys and his teams. He shook his team up. He’s been leaning on them. He’s the president and has a GM under him. His name’s Jed Fucking Hoyer.
Chief: the buck stops on Theo’s desk
Me: Yeah it does but if you’re gonna sit here and literally say Should He… yeah Chief he should you fucking idiot. Holy shit.
Up to this point in time I am absolutely flabbergasted. Can I get to Joe Girardi or do I have to convince every Tom Dick and Jane in the fucking room that (first) Theo Epstein is, in fact, the right person to lead the charge.
Was I mean in this realization? Yes I was. But I’m a passionate guy and I’d expect the dude that oversaw my goddamn wedding vows to know as such but oh well. Set expectations low guys. Old hockey trick.
Chief: No. Look it. You dance around criticizing Theo all fucking year long and I ask you a question
Me: I haven’t at all. he made stupid fucking decisions. That’s one thing. If you’re going to tell me or even suggest that because of the bullpen management or Jason Heyward’s regression that now all of a sudden – should we be questioning Theo Epstein?
Chief: Yeah. you’ve been questioning. YOU’VE BEEN QUESTIONING ALL THE TIME.
And this is where I’m lost. Now I’m a dancer. Now I’m a flip flopper. Now Chief wants to get cute and say “you just questioned him so I’m right in asking if he can be the leader of the Cubs.” Which everyone can agree is a poorly constructed argument.
Sure, I’ve bitched that Theo’s behind on pitching analytics and we are and we just lost out to the Reds on the services of Kyle Boddy. I bitch about the farm system and lack of development. That we didn’t trade Almora or Happ or have a 2nd baseman this year. There’s a lot of things I’ve bitched about but to even think that translates to: someone else can do better than what Theo’s done with the clusterfuck he inherited to where it is now fucking KILLS ME. And then to weaponize baseline criticisms against me as some kind of precendent that I think Theo’s lost his fastball now and forever? Even worse.
Let me remind everyone I’m not Walter Croncite. If I’ve said one thing before when the Cubs lost 75 fucking games in a row to close the season that was harsh maybe consider the circumstances. Maybe not. All I know is that I didn’t expect to defend Theo Epstein’s roll in the organization on the podcast.
There’s another 5 minutes or so of us going back and forth. If you give a fuck you can listen here.
Until then I’d like to close with some focus on Chief’s follow up evidence that my Cubs takes are inconsistent.
Classic Carl. Afraid to make an opinion?
Theo relies on analytics. He basically pioneered it. Other teams have gotten better meaning the Cubs need to double down and improve. The manager serves as the liasion between the front office and players to get the analytics onto the field without too much disruption while leading the club. Joe Maddon was an excellent manager and didn’t have the players he needed as the group matured. They need to hit a reset and it sucks that reset is on Joe but it’s easier to replace one manager than maybe 10-12 players. And yes, it’s a good thing Theo Epstein is in charge of doing it because there’s no one else in the fucking world I’d trust to get the job done.
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Good talk.