Article From 2007 Says Jared The Subway Guy Ran A Black Market Porn Rental Business Out Of His College Dorm Room
(Source) You’ve come to know and love him as Jared Fogle, the guy who lost over 200 pounds by eating nothing but Subway sandwiches alone. As a result, he went from being just plain ol’ “Jared” to the much more exciting “Jared Fogle, the Subway Guy.”
Well, it turns out in college, the All-American Jared was known for something entirely different. According to our source, while studying at Indiana University, Fogle ran a very successful pornography rental company out of his bedroom. His porn collection was vast and extensive, and Fogle took his business pretty seriously. A video would run a patron a dollar a day (cheap!), and people would come from all over to take advantage of the deal. Needless to say, Jared had enough porn to keep his customers happy.
As far as his incredible weight loss goes, it turns out it wasn’t as motivated as you would think. In fact, what got Jared hooked on Subway in the first place was laziness. The sandwich chain had opened a branch on the first floor of Jared’s dorm, and what with his busy porn company, Jared began eating the sandwiches out of extreme laziness. It was the closest fast food available! Just imagine how different our lives would be if an Arby’s had opened up there instead? We’d probably be watching Jared on some TLC special about how he hasn’t gotten out of bed for 6 years. Though, we imagine his right arm would still be in tip-top shape.
So the fat guy at Indiana who ate Subway for breakfast, lunch, and dinner also ran a Porn rental service out of his dorm room? Oh, I see. That’s totally normal.
Obviously this article isn’t talking about child pornography, at least I hope it isn’t, but one thing is clear, Jared the Subway guy is a HUGE porn guy. You don’t have a service where you charge people money to borrow your VHS porn without being a big time porn guy. And I think we all know how porn guys operate. Never trust a guy who eats Subway every day. Never trust a fat guy that gets super skinny. And never ever trust a porn guy. That’s a rule Barstool Sports and now Subway have learned the hard way.
PS
Rovell is going to be so pissed he can’t use this tweet anymore.
