Who Stole Paul Bissonnette's Underwear?

I came across this video today and I can’t help but wonder if my good pal Paul Bissonnette aka Biz Nasty has found his underwear yet and better yet, who is the criminal behind this horrible act. Got to feel for a guy that is dropping 25 bucks on a single pair of underwear, I tend to buy 6 packs for like 11 dollars.

Locker room pranks are the best. I mean, some of the stories the guys talk about on Spittin’ Chiclets completely cross the line and are insane, but they always mean well. Guys taking everyone’s keys and mixing them in a bucket then scattering them across the room, things like that. This one though…. stealing a man’s $25 underwear may have gone too far.

But Biz has done a lot for  me in my life, so the least I can do is help the poor guy find his $25 underwear from back in 2012. Probably means the world to him. So I shot Paul a text to do some investigating.

So, while Keith Yandle seems like the primary target I looked at a few other members of the 2011-2012 Arizona Coyotes who could be responsible for the heinous crime.

Shane Doan

The guys doesn’t even swear, why would he pull such a prank a on Biz? That’s exactly what he wants you to think. The quiet ones are always the crazy ones.

Taylor Pyatt

Have you ever looked into this guys eyes? They are so perfect you get distracted just long enough for him to steal your undies like you never saw it coming.

Oliver Ekman-Larsson

This was OEL’s second season in the league. Biz probably bullied him his entire rookie year and he finally had enough and went AWOL and stole Biz’s underwear. Makes perfect sense.

Boyd Gordon

Commonly referred to as “Gordo” on Biz’s Instagram stories. Doesn’t like social media and doesn’t like being on camera (unless its’ for Biz’s documentary). Seems like a real steel trap. Wouldn’t put it past him at all to have stolen them. Wouldn’t even be surprised if he wears them every time him and Biz hang out.

Dave Tippett

Tippett really should be suspect #1 even before Yandle. Imagine having to coach Biz day in and day out? Making jokes behind your back left and right. Getting the boys into mischief and activities they may or may not involve alcohol and women. Tippett probably thinks that if he steals Biz’s underwear maybe Paul says enough is enough and just retires from hockey forever and then Tip never has to coach him again. He’d finally get control of the locker room back.

I’ll spend my weekend investigating this so try not to worry too much. I’ll hope to have an update on the next Spittin’ Chiclets. Be sure to tune in.