"The Ukulele Is Coming Out Tonight And Here Are Some Predictions For The Stand Up Challenge" by Dylan
I’ve done a shit job thus far of getting myself on camera. Ironically however, I’m pretty sure the only reason I’m alive is because of my lack of camera time. So I’ve slithered my way into Day 3 and it’s time to step my shit up. We’re all going to a comedy club tonight to do a stand up set. People are definitely starting to freak as most people interviewing for a job aren’t forced to do a 5 minute comedy routine to prove their worth. But that’s the Barstool difference and I’m pumped to break the uke back out. I’ll be performing a brand new song in which nobody gets jerked off on a plane. While I’m doing my vocal warm ups to prepare, have a look at my power rankings for who will dominate tonight and who will hear crickets. I was pretty spot on about my 9/9/9 predictions so if your putting money on performances tonight, I’d say I’m your expert.
- Me, Dylan O’Keeffe – I know what you’re thinking. “This guy is ranking himself before Brandt Tobler? The guy who put out a network special? What an asshole.” But guess what. I have the voice of an angel and these power ranking don’t mean shit. So yeah, I’m number one.
- Brandt Tobler – My guy also got criticized for not doing much on camera thus far. He without a doubt has the most potential to kill as we all know he as done a big network special. If he somehow bombs in the format he is most comfortable in, he will for sure be eliminated tonight.
- Marty Mush – I’m sitting next to Marty Mush as I write. He has such a refreshing take on how to live as a human. I sometimes think he is aware to his funniness and then other times I’m wondering if he remembers where we are. Funny or not, this kid will entertain tonight. Even if he bombs, he can always say Baker Mayfield retweeted him over Ohio kid even though Ohio made Baker a personal t-shirt. That has to sting.
- BDS Austin – I’m not even going to lie, this kid has had me cracking up all week. At first I thought the only reason he was funny because of the body the jokes were coming out of. But his off the cusp humor has been killer. I ranked him high just off performance thus far during the week but I really don’t know what’s going to happen with him tonight. I don’t how he’ll fare with written jokes but time will tell.
- Joey Boats – He’s never done stand up. He already used his Trump impression. I’m just praying he doesn’t rap again.
- Easel guy – He told me what he’s doing tonight and its risky. Properly executed it could land but, it’s more likely to bomb harder than his easel.
- Ohio Tate – This kid is straight up fucked. He hasn’t said a funny thing since being here and has solely survived because he likes to stay up later than most of the other contestants and brought two computers on Day 1. He’s the kid who shows up during syllabus week, sits in the front row, and asks a million questions. In my eyes, he’s an L7 weenie. Enjoy the crickets my brother.