The Kelvin Benjamin-Cam Newton Beef is My Favorite NFL Beef of 2018 So Far

If by some chance you’ve been too busy enjoying your early August to have caught this, the first great beef of the 2018 NFL season has begun.

The opening salvo of this particular war – the Gavrilo Princip shooting Archduke Ferdinand of this WWI – was former Panthers/current Bills receiver Kelvin Benjamin dropping a verbal turd on Cam Newton, saying essentially he shitty, inaccurate passer without “knowledge” and Benjamin would’ve been much better off with “anybody!” else at QB:

And so the Austrian-Hungarian Empire that is Newton was not going to take that act of war without attacking Serbia right back:

While at the same time declaring “love” and announcing he wasn’t “gonna go back and forth with him, I’m just gonna work.” That is, until his very first throwing drill the next day, in which he did in fact go back, instead of just working:

Until finally, out of the clouds, the biggest longshot in the skirmish came out of nowhere, fighting on Newton’s side and carpet bombing the hell out of Benjamin. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Shannon Sharpe:

Holy shit. Shannon Sharpe hasn’t won a war of words since his “Mr. President! Send the National Guard! We’re killing the Patriots!!!” line a hundred years ago. But look at him! This is how you enter a battle. Personal attacks. Facts to back up your point. Turning the opponent’s argument against him. To beat my World War I analogy to death, this is like The Great War being won by Bulgaria. I’d almost be proud of him if he hadn’t Twitter blocked everyone in New England.

Unfortunately in the 24 hours since, Benjamin has yet to respond, so it appears for now the war is over. Let’s hope it isn’t. Because love Newton or hate him, think Benjamin is a great receiver or a big, fat tub of goo, just realize that when two former teammates start up and old beef in public, we all win.