Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

North Carolina – A Scotland County teacher was arrested Friday for allegedly having a sexual relationship with a minor student.

According to a Facebook post from the Scotland County Detective Division, 23-year-old Brianna Nicole Stanley was charged with three counts of felony statutory sex offense against a child less than 13, five counts of felony indecent liberties with a student by a teacher, five counts of felony sexual activity by a teacher, and one count of felony third-degree child exploitation related to child pornography.

The Scotland County Sheriff’s Office’s criminal investigative division executed a search warrant after the Board of Education of Scotland County received a report on Thursday alleging an inappropriate relationship between a teacher and a minor child who was a student of the suspect at the time the relationship reportedly occurred.

I was just thinking the other day about Christmas when I was 12 years old. In one of those first holiday seasons when you first know the truth about Santa but you’re still young enough to be all in on Christmas, heart and soul. That was the year I got my favorite gift ever. The Red Ryder Air Rifle to my Ralphie Parker. It was Mattel’s Talking Football:

The way it worked is that you had a bunch of small vinyl records with your offensive plays on them. You’d select your play, put it in this little player about the size of a box of wooden matches, and hand to the kid on defense. On the back of the disc were six defenses. He’d spin it until the one he wanted to play was at the top, press “Play” and an announcer would tell you the result. So if you threw a deep pass but your opponent blitzed it’d be like “The quarterback takes a 7-step drop! The rush comes! And … it’s gonna get there! He’s sacked! And a 10-yard loss!” Or if he blitzed and you threw a screen it’d be “He’s back to pass … and … it’s complete! He’s got blockers in front of him! He’s out of bounds after a gain of 27 yards!” And so on. So you’d move the yard marker accordingly with each call and keep track of down, distance and score. I had air hockey too. Grew up on table hockey like everyone else. Has some basic, Late Cretaceous-era video games. But that one I got the most joy out of. It’s funny now looking back at that, given what I do for a living. The father is boy to the man, as they say.

Oh, right. Getting back to the story. At 12, there was no part of me whatsoever that ever could’ve imagined a 23-year-old teacher want to bang a kid in my school. I would’ve believed in Santa first. Yet this is what the world has become I guess.

The Grades:
Looks: Somehow the Duck Face works for her, which is rare. The Snap Filter in that third photo is her friend. And the glasses help, as usual. So … what’s with the preteen?
Grade: B

Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: The kid is 12.
Grade: F

Intangibles: I got nothing. Stories like Brianna Nicole Stanley’s just make me want to buy a mint condition version of every toy I ever got on eBay, sit in a room with them for a month and just forget the world.
Grade: F

Overall: F. I just can’t. God help us. Somewhere there is a line. That line hasn’t ever been established and I don’t know if it ever will. But if it is, it’ll definitely well, well north of this.

(This was sent to me by Smash, who asked me to thank him. So thanks. I guess.)

Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 or email me at jerry@barstoolsports.com. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.