South African Triathlete Was On A Nice Bike Ride When Three Guys Attacked Him And Casually Tried To Cut Off His Legs With a Saw
South African doctors were trying to save the legs of a top triathlete Wednesday after three men tried to chop his limbs off with a chainsaw. Mhlengi Gwala, 27, was biking to a training session before dawn Tuesday when the attackers pulled him off his bike, dragged him into bushes and started sawing into his right calf, damaging muscle, nerves and bone.
“The chainsaw wasn’t that sharp and they couldn’t get it started. So they manually started cutting,” close personal friend Sandile Shange told News24. “Two of them held him down while the other started on his leg.” When they got to the bone and couldn’t cut anymore, they started in on his left leg. “They kept on cutting and when they got to the bone, because the saw was not that sharp, the saw got stuck,” police spokesperson Nqobile Gwala told the BBC. The men reportedly were interrupted by a security guard and ran away — allowing the bloody athlete to crawl to a road and flag down a car to take him to the hospital.
What the fuck man. This is why I don’t venture outside of our country. This is why I didn’t travel the world for a semester in college, because people outside of our country are fucking bat shit crazy. Yes, the United States has plenty of problems, but we don’t have to worry about taking a nice bike ride and being attacked by robbers trying to saw my legs off of my body. Okay, maybe in the mountains of West Virginia in the movie Wrong Turn but not in normal places.
This sounds to me like a crossover movie between The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and I, Tonya. Gwala was set to compete in the South African national championships next month so maybe these robbers were fans of his rival opponent? They clearly didn’t a fuck about robbing him because he offered his phone, wallet, and bike to them and they just insisted on taking his legs off his body. Totally rational dudes. Except these guys were the dumbest attackers ever who picked a saw that was too dull to cut through his leg. I mean thank God they couldn’t because right now it sounds like doctors can save his legs. Moral of the story, don’t move to another country.
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I will guarantee this becomes a movie in the next few five years. We’re making movies about aliens having sex with a mute lady, we can certainly find room for a wild true story like this one.