Psychic "Magic Man" Overstays His Welcome In The Steamer, Dies From Cooking Himself Alive

Lasertecnologica- A Malaysian Taoist medium has died while performing a “human steaming” stunt which involved him sitting on top of a bubbling wok covered by a giant metal lid, reports said Wednesday (Oct 25).

Taoist officials said the steaming ritual was “not mainstream” but more of a “magic performance”.

Devotees witnessing the event, which involved Lim sitting on a wooden platform balanced on top of the bubbling wok, heard banging noises emanating from the metal lid after about half an hour.

Lim Ba sat on a large wok for around 30 minutes with fire underneath in Nine Emperor God prayer session at a Chinese temple in Kuala Sanglang, Kedah when the incident happened. He had also suffered second degree burns.

Well… well…. well. It’s been a LONG time since I found a death so moronic that even the most ardent, sensitive SJWs would be like, yes Francis, go ahead. And make no mistake about it, folks: this death will go down in history as one of my favorite deaths ever. Grab your popcorn, set your phone to airplane mode, and strap in.

Lim Ba (not so limba anymore I’m sure, now that the rigor mortis has set in) was a psychic medium in Malaysia. Apparently he’s been performing this “stunt” for a decade, with a personal record of 75 minutes in the “steamer.” I don’t really believe that because from what I know of cooking lobsters, whenever you place a lid over a living thing and then steam it for half an hour, it dies. That’s called “cooking.” This man was not steaming himself like a wrinkled shirt; he was cooking himself over a grill. Steaming yourself is when you go to your gym hungover on Saturday morning and sit in the steam room trying not to puke for 10 minutes. There is no fire or grilling involved.

Apparently Lim wasn’t just cooking himself:

Kang Huai said that during the steaming sessions, rice, sweet corn and vegetarian buns would be placed inside the wok and they would also be steamed. (Daily Mail)

What kind of crazy, interactive cooking class is this? Are people eating the food that gets cooked with the human being? When I go to a restaurant, I’ve never sent a dish back by saying, “it’s too bland. Perhaps had you seasoned it with the juices of an old man, you’d be getting a tip today.” But then again, I get anxious when I see corn touching burger patties on a grill. Call it American, but I like my food grilled with members of its own family. Meat with meat, veggies with veggies. Don’t turn the grill into a stir-fry orgy full of random juicy, bubbly shit.

And how about all the spectators? Seems like this is the family entertainment in Malaysia. Pile all the kids into the car/wagon and head to the warehouse to watch Lim Ba stew himself, followed by a cookout featuring the food he sat on! Fun!

Back to the stunt itself. Look at how intense this fire is when they remove the homemade spaceship:

Screen Shot 2017-10-25 at 1.25.07 PM

That’s an inferno. Guy was sitting on top of that for half an hour?! I can’t sit in a car seat with the seat warmers on for more than 3 minutes before my ass turns into a bog. Not a swamp–a bog. It’s worse. Needless to say, I don’t think I could endure a full-on bonfire under my ass for more than 10 seconds. But then again, gingers are supposedly more sensitive to temperature than normal humans.

I don’t speak whatever language they’re screaming, but I think I get the message: “Guys! I’m so, so hot right now! It’s so much worse this time than all the times before! Yikes, I’m hot! I feel like I just went for a jog in Phoenix during the summer. Did you use some kind of special log? Maybe those duraflame chemical logs? I’m toast! Enjoy the sweet corn though.”

Anyway, he’s dead now, obviously. Died from a heart attack which is a plot twist. Would have bet my belt buckle that it would be the “cooked alive” problem that stopped him. Usually heart attacks stem from eating too much butter and mozzarella sticks and shit, but maybe you can get them when you marinade yourself in a missile silo alongside some healthy sides for half an hour.