Richard Branson Lost $5 Million In The Most Obvious Fake Ransom Scheme Of All Time

LONDON (Reuters) – Richard Branson, billionaire founder of the Virgin group, has revealed he was targeted by a fraudster posing as Britain’s defense minister who tried to get him to contribute $5 million to a supposed secret ransom payment.

Listen, I love Richard Branson. The guy lives the dream- he’s rich, powerful, British. He even owns an island. Not only that,  he’s been able to build a massive business empire despite the fact that he looks like a toothy Cydesdale horse. But this is some elementary shit. Like, I don’t even think my grandmother would fall for this.

Branson wrote that six months ago, after an elaborate set-up involving a note on fake government notepaper, he spoke on the phone to someone purporting to be Defence Secretary Michael Fallon. The man told Branson that a British diplomat had been kidnapped and was being held for ransom by terrorists. He said that while the government did not pay ransoms, there was a particularly sensitive reason why the diplomat had to be saved, and the government was confidentially asking a syndicate of British business people to step in.

If a private party contacted him it would be one thing. But this guy was pretending to be Michael Fallon, British Defense Secretary. A prominent public figure in the U.K. There is no reason, ever, under any circumstance that he would call Richard Branson, a record executive, regarding national security. That would be like Secretary Mattis calling me up and asking for my opinion on Afghanistan. It doesn’t make sense. I get that he’s lost some mental bandwidth being on Necker Island the past hundred years but he should still know better.

“When the call happened, the conman did an extremely accurate impression of me and spun a big lie about urgently needing a loan while I was trying to mobilize aid in the BVI (British Virgin Islands),” he wrote. “I was asked to contribute $5 million of the ransom money, which he assured me the British government would find a way of paying back,” Branson wrote.

To be fair, it was a well thought out plan. He took advantage of the confusion around the hurricane relief effort to launch his plan. Richard, being a preoccupied billionaire just wrote the check. It’s only five-million dollars, right? Not a lot when you’re worth over five-billion.

Feeling suspicious, Branson checked with the government and was told that Fallon had not spoken to him. The matter was reported to the police.Six months on, Branson learnt that a friend, whom he described as a very successful businessman in the United States, had been called by a conman posing as him. “The business person, incredibly graciously, gave $2 million, which promptly disappeared.”

I think I need to reevaluate the way I think about billionaires. That and take some acting classes because apparently all it takes to get a check is a good impression and a set of balls. I’m still confused as to how they haven’t caught this dude. Isn’t there a paper trail? Just see what bank the money was sent to and check the cameras, duh. Good news is, in the time it’s taken me to write this blog Richard’s already made his money back. Easy come, easy go.