If You Get Ashes At A Drive Thru You Are A Fraud

Ireland

Staten Island

STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — On Ash Wednesday, Feb. 10, ashes will be distributed at the Staten Island Ferry terminal in St. George between 7 and 9:30 a.m. This convenience for morning commuters is a joint effort of Christ Episcopal Church in New Brighton and Trinity Lutheran Church in Stapleton, said Rev. Geri Swanson, deacon at Christ Church. Ash Wednesday marks the opening of Lent, which ends on Holy Thursday, March 24, with Easter celebrated on March 27 for followers of the Western rite of Catholicism and other Christian faiths. The ashes are made from blessed palm branches from the previous year’s Palm Sunday Mass.

As the Head Catholic In Charge (HCIC) here at Barstool, I must address the triviality and frivolity of this Drive Thru Ashes nonsense. If you’re about to hop on the Staten Island Ferry and you’re leaning your neck out getting a smear as you’re presenting your ticket, you’re a fraud. I imagine the Priest just stands there with his thumb out and people just walk buy and brush their heads against it like some sinning assembly line. If you pull up in your Prius and Father leans into your car and crosses you up without you even needing to take your seatbelt off, you’re a fraud. Its religion, not a car wash, folks.

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Thats why good, true Catholics like myself and Tony Reali know you must arrive in person, stand before the Lord, and receive your ashes in all their glory.

To be in the house of the Lord and receive the ashes from the blessed palms of last year’s Palm Sunday is to become one with the Lord. Father stands before you in pious reverence, instilling a profound sense of mortality. Gifting the cathartic bliss of absolution. Providing Christ’s protection presenting the extra strength to persevere. In that moment, the Lord penetrates you and serves you with all his seminal wisdom.

So bottom line is you go to get ashes for real, or not at all. Otherwise you’re a fraud Catholic. And trust me, with Pope Frankie at the helm, this whole Catholic thing is freight train you want to be riding. Full speed ahead for Catholicism. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Vroom.