Your Official Guide To Making It Through The NBA's Dead Month
I chose the photo above for this blog for a couple reasons. One, because I’m pretty sure Greg Oden is the perfect analogy for this dead month, but also his face does a great job of describing how every NBA fan feels right now. We are bored as shit. Big Cat spent the month of July saying how it was the worst month on the sports calendar, but for me, it’s always been August. The intoxicating fumes from the Summer League have worn off, free agency is pretty much over, and preseason doesn’t start for like another month. Tough times for NBA addicts. Because of this struggle, I figured I’d share my secrets to getting through this drought with the world, in the hopes that it will somewhat help. In no particular order…
1. Obsessively follow Team USA
Reags has your actual game coverage, and Clem has you covered with the latest on Draymond’s dick. That versatility right there is what I like to call the Barstool Difference. With the Olympics just days away, this should solve the majority of your basketball depression, even if every game is going to be an absolute blowout.
Aside from watching the team play, it has now become must watch internetting to follow these guys on Snapchat/Instagram/whatever as well. This is the first time a team like this has dominated the social media game in this fashion., and the behind the scenes content is incredible. Follow Team USA, follow Draymond and hope you don’t see his dick again, and follow DeRozen. You probably already knew all this, but this is just a friendly reminder
2. Play NBA 2k until your eyes bleed
There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that 2k can’t get you through. The Celts play like dogshit? That’s OK I’ll just fire up the My Career mode on 2k15 and win by 50. The new 2k drops in September, but I have no interest in purchasing it. In fact, if my 2k11 didn’t stop working mid way through last season, I wouldn’t have bought the ’15 version for 6 dollars on Amazon. My advice to you would be to create a player and take him from scrub to superstar, lord knows it takes absolutely FOREVER for your player to get a rating over 40. By that time training camp should be well under way.
3. Relive some of your favorite team’s greatest moments from this past season
Sometimes it’s fun to live in the past. Sure your team probably didn’t win the championship, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t a shit ton of fun moments along the way. Like that time Avery murdered the Cavs. That was pretty fucking cool. Or like when the Celts pushed their home winning streak to 14, also awesome. But for me, I’ve re-read this blog about a zillion times, because fuck the Warriors.
This won’t be a permanent solve, but for those late nights when you can’t sleep, it helps.
4. Relive Steph Curry’s Season
This was the greatest shooting season we’ve maybe ever seen. So much sleep was lost staying up late to catch a glimpse of the ridiculousness, so spend some time reliving something we may not see again…or at least until October
5. Embrace The Drew
The Drew has gotten bigger and bigger over the years, if you haven’t seen the documentary on it, I suggest you watch it. This summer has been filled with highlights and outrageous dunks, so kill some time and see some NBA players murder people
6. Prepare for fantasy basketball
Do people still play fantasy basketball? This was the jam back in the day, but I can’t remember the last time I played, especially with football prep to be done. But if you do in fact participate, do mock drafts on mock drafts on mock drafts.
7. Celebrate #DaGawd
This is strictly for the Celtics fans out there. The other day while at work I sat there smiling just rethinking about the season that Isaiah had. It made me excited for all the warm and fuzzy feelings that are for sure to come, and it led me down a rabbit hole of his dominance. I didn’t regret it.
Hopefully this guide helps you for the next few weeks, it certainly has helped me get through this tough stretch. Only 82 days left until Opening Night, and it can’t come fast enough.