Anyone Who Would Even CONSIDER Giving Up 25% Of Their Lottery Winnings To Stay Anonymous Should Be Thrown Into A Volcano Immediately

Most insane thing I’ve ever read in my life. And I mean that. The fact anyone would even consider the option of giving up 25% of their lottery winnings to stay anonymous is without a doubt the dumbest, most asinine thing I have ever read.

They want you to pay, and apparently people actually would do this, 350 million dollars so nobody would know your name. Like somehow in today’s world, you wouldn’t be found out within a week? Oh why did Susan in accounting not show up, let’s check her Facebook. Hmmm weird, her Facebook is deleted, let’s call her phone. Weird, no answer, let’s call her emergency contact, etc etc etc. And nobody is keeping it a secret once they know. That shit is being blasted on Twitter immediately, people digging up old Myspace accounts and posting pictures of the winner. There’s literally no way you could ever stay anonymous, ever.

And furthermore, why the hell would you pay 350 motherfucking million dollars to even try?!?! 350 million dollars. I can’t even comprehend it. If someone really did this, really truly did this, our planet is doomed. We might as well extend an invitation to the sun to explode and kill us all now, we have failed as a people.

If When I win this 1.4 billion, I’ll lay low for a bit, get my affairs in order, might even do a couple Kirk Cousins and Ovi blogs just to throw everyone off, and then I’m outta here. Imagine having a 868 million dollar lump sum and still checking your @’s on Twitter. Hilarious. And I’m positive there’s an exclusive rich person Twitter where it’s all rich men and supermodel women making fun of poor people and then throwing awesome parties. I’ll be there. Sure I’d probably check in here and there from my yacht in the Caribbean, but it’ll be just to Bilzerian the Internet. Just to remind everyone now and again how much better I am than their poor asses.