Left It All Out There: A Parent In Michigan Is Accused Of Going Into A Rival High School And Shitting In The Hallway During A Football Playoff Blowout

Robert Alexander. Getty Images.

We got ourselves an old school Internet story here. Allow this to be the story: 

[Source] - A parent from an opposing football team reportedly entered Grosse Pointe South High School following a Nov. 6 Michigan High School Athletic Association football game and defecated in a hallway, the school district said in a Nov. 9 statement.

The Grosse Pointe Public School System said a "review of the District's security camera footage confirmed that an individual who was a parent of a Bedford High School student entered the school building without authorization and defecated in a hallway."

In the words of Taylor Twellman, what are we doing? Look, I'm all for losing our minds during blowout losses. You have to do something when you watch your beloved high school lose 42-0 in the playoffs. You can't just sit in the stands and let it happen. This person decided the only appropriate action would be walking into the hallway and shitting all over the floor. 

The district said it filed a police report.

"This behavior is wholly unacceptable and is inconsistent with the standards of conduct and respect that the District expects of anyone entering its school facilities," the school system said. "While interscholastic athletics provide students with valuable lessons in teamwork, sportsmanship, perseverance, and respect, those lessons must also be modeled by the adults who attend such athletic events.

You can't be getting a police report for shitting. Did we consider if it was an emergency or not? You can picture most high school football games. You don't want to take a dump in a porta potty. You just want the sweet release in a non-hotbox that absolutely stinks. I think we need to evaluate the size of the shit and what kind of shit it was. Explosive diarrhea? Yeah, police report. A couple logs like a dog? Get the poop bag out and make them clean it up.

I need to know more about this person. It says parent, but parent of a player? If so, it's gotta be someone in the trenches. Gotta be an offensive lineman who probably was taught take a dump in your pants before the game to set the tone. That's the only way this happens. Can't be like the quarterback's dad here. Also gotta hate to be the person reviewing this footage. No one wants to watch another person shit. Then you gotta break down the tape like your name is Glenn. Tough times in Michigan all around. 

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