I Almost Became the Victim of a Romance Scam...
Delmaine Donson. Getty Images.I had never heard about "Romance Scams" until I almost became a victim.
I met her on a meet-up site. She was 17 years younger than me, and very good-looking. She said she was a self-employed LPN who cared for wealthy people in their homes and did a lot of hospice care, as she put it, "helping sick people transition."
She claimed she was separated, but still living with her husband in a separate living arrangement in the same house.
She said she was interested in me because she saw in my profile that I was a writer and wanted to delve into a writer's mind…
We messaged for close to two hours the first time, and because of my experience as a caregiver and hospice provider for my wife, she and I connected. Later that week, I took her to a concert, then surprised her by taking her out for food and drinks afterward.
While we were waiting for our food, she got a call from her soon-to-be ex asking where she was. She told me not to worry; they were separated and getting a divorce. She wasn't wearing a wedding band, and told me she hadn't had sex in 4 months, a weird thing to mention on a first date…
She ordered gluten-free, drank two glasses of white wine, and got sick the next day. She said she had a rare disease, and she wasn't supposed to drink alcohol, and she needed to take medicine before she ate. And not knowing we were going out after the concert, she hadn't brought her meds with her.
The following week, we continued texting, but then we started talking on the phone more. We had to cancel some of our plans because she had to work, but the fire was still burning, and I was falling for her in a big way. You could say I was blinded by the light…
Then she told me she might be leaving any day to take care of an Alzheimer's patient in Florida for 3-4 months, and that we should get together soon, before she leaves. When I didn't hear from her for several days, I assumed she'd left, and my sweet dream of dating a young, attractive woman had ended.
Then things got a little weirder. I'd later learn, during my research, that there were several Red Flags to watch for, and I missed them the first time through…
Red Flag #1) The Medical Emergency Hook: I received a call from her saying she hadn't gone to Florida. She'd been rushed into the hospital by ambulance. Her rare disease had flared up, and she passed out and doesn't remember much about her ambulance ride to the hospital, where she spent the last 4 days. If her goal was to earn my sympathy, she did. I was concerned.
Her voice was low-energy, and she was lethargic, claiming she was still suffering from brain fog. We stayed on the phone for three hours. I kept her laughing the entire time. She said her body had broken out in hives, but her doctor had prescribed new medication that would help. And there were other meds she'd need to pick up the following day, specific to the flare-up of her rare disease, including steroids.
The following morning she called me from her car. Her voice was surprisingly clear and full of energy. She said she felt great and decided to work from 11-7. I couldn't believe it. What an incredible recovery! I warned her to be careful, not to push, because she could relapse. She said the doctors gave her the same warning.
Red Flag #2) Rapid Escalation ("Love Bombing"/Quick Intimacy): She credited me and our phone call the night before for her remarkable turnaround. I called her after 7 to see how she was feeling, and while we were talking, she suddenly asked me what I was doing on Sunday. When I said I was just hanging around the house and watching football all day, she teased, "How bout I come over, and we have sex?"
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I said, "What?" She laughed and said she was just making sure I was listening.
I replied, "I was listening, and I know you weren't kidding; you want sex."
Then she came clean. "I do! It really has a healing effect on me, and it's been a while, and I need it, badly…"
I responded confidently, "Okay then. Sex it is!"
Since she still lived with her soon-to-be ex-husband, it had to take place at my house. I said I'd text her my address, and in the text I asked what foods I should pick up so she could eat safely. I never heard back, and for the first time, I became suspicious that something wasn't right.
I began thinking about how strange the entire relationship was. Although she was very flattering, why would an attractive woman 17 years younger than me want me? I'm past my prime.
After one of my friends warned me about Romance Scams, I started doing research. The easiest targets are lonely men, 60 and older, who are either divorced or widowed. We're the most vulnerable, and I checked all the boxes. How foolish had I been to think a young, very attractive woman would want me? She sold it well. Too well.
Then I started reading the blueprint for how romance scams work. In larger, more sophisticated scam operations, they do a lot of vetting, and by the time they engage someone, they know everything about them. Big advantage. Most people who fall prey to these types of scammers never see it coming.
A lot of romance scams are long games, what the experts call "Pig Butchering," where the scammers spend a lot of time fattening up their victims with reasons to be confident about the relationship before they move in for the kill, which is always financially devastating.
There's also a short game, and it can be very profitable for romance scammers. That's where they move much faster, looking for a quick payday.
One common scam involves a medical emergency, followed by hospital bills and medication costs. That's exactly what the woman I was seeing was setting me up for. Rare disease, hospitalization, and a need for expensive new medicines. I had no idea at the time; I was being groomed for the big scam.
What this woman was doing was textbook romance scamming. Some of my buddies told me I was overreacting. One even told me I was shooting myself in the foot! "Have sex with her," they said, and just don't give her any money. But I shook off their advice and kept researching…
Red Flag #3) Safety and Security Risks: Once the woman knows your address, and because you can't go to her house because she still lives there with her ex- another condition common to romance scams- she comes to your place for the hookup. When you're not looking, she unlocks the front door and messages her accomplices when you're naked and in a compromised position.
They barge into your house, home invasion style, take photographs, and threaten to release the photos if you don't pay them what they ask. Other times, it's the supposed ex-husband who barges in, and the husband and wife work together as a team, threatening to claim rape to bilk the victim. That's how the blackmail part of a romance scam works.
Another type of scam has them barging into your house and holding you hostage while they steal everything of value, threatening to release the photos or cause bodily harm if you call the police. Sometimes this is done at gunpoint.
The experts say, "If it feels too good to be true, go with your gut, because it usually is."
I had been a total fool to believe a young, very sexy woman would be interested in an older widowed man like me, especially for sex. I decided to cancel the hookup. I texted her that I was uncomfortable with how fast things were moving and that I was canceling. She apologized for making me uncomfortable and said she understood.
The FBI suggests stopping communication with romance scammers, blocking them immediately, and if they come to your house, not letting them in; instead, call the police immediately. These people are pros and can be very dangerous.
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Statistics show that Romance Scammers pull in close to 1.5 billion annually in the U.S., and most victims are too embarrassed to report it. I'm just lucky I didn't listen to my buddies and figured it out in time to avoid becoming a victim of a very costly and humiliating romance scam…
Everybody's looking for something…