Michigan-Michigan State Are Hosting a "PISS OFF" to Collect Drunk Tailgater's Urine Ahead of The Football Game
What an incredible slate of college football games we have this weekend. Anybody else find that the word "slate" is starting to lose its meaning? I like the words and phrases we only use when talking about sports. Slate isn't even one of the crazy ones. It's just become the go-to word anytime we reference the weekend football schedule. My favorite is "shore up" when talking about an offensive line. "The Colts signed ____ to shore up their offensive line". All football fans know exactly what that sentence means, but I don't think I've ever heard "shore up" used in reference to anything other than a roster.
So... we have a wonderful slate of college football games to look forward to this weekend. If you've got a fall wedding to attend, why don't you go ahead and shoot the groom in the face? Anything to get you out of a wedding hall and onto a living room couch.
And that's only what's on the ESPN family of networks (plus Notre Dame). On top of that, we've Ohio State-Oregon, UCLA-Minnesota, Iowa-Northwestern, Michigan-Michigan State...
I suppose that list petered out a bit at the end. But what if I told you that this weekend in Ann Arbor, not only will bitter rivals Michigan and Michigan State battle for the Paul Bunyan Trophy at 7:30 PM EST, but also that during the tailgate, researchers from both schools will team up to host a PISS OFF.
No, that was not me cutting my sentence short to tell you to get fucked. Michigan-Michigan State will actually set up shop across from Gates 2 and 4 at Michigan Stadium to collect the drunken piss of tailgaters. Whichever fan base pisses the most wins.
Ok, I'm not sure if they're actually making a competition out of it. It would probably be an unfair one considering it's a Michigan home game. Honestly, "The Piss Off" makes it sound a lot funnier than it really is. What's really happening is that the researchers collect from the donation urinals, pasteurize the piss, isolate the nutrients, and turn the piss into fertilizer.
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If you donate your piss (and pay $22), you get a Piss Off t-shirt.
It's an admirable move to host a Piss Off in the name of creating local and sustainable fertilizers at a college football tailgate. That's how you know these guys are serious. The researchers need piss, and they're going to where the MOST piss will be – in the full bladders of drunk Midwestern football fans. But it's going to be a shit piss show. Have you ever seen a urinal at a tailgate? More piss makes it on the floor than in the toilet. Because everyone is hammered. They could have held their Piss Off at a location full of sober, more accurate pissers. But the Piss Off is about volume. They don't mind dealing with drunk fans and their disgusting, frothy, dehydrated beer piss, so long as it yields the most possible piss. Good on them. Bless those poor people who will be working the collection sites.
So if you're in Ann Arbor this weekend and feel like stretching your legs after the 3:30 SLATE of games, head on down to Michigan Stadium for The Piss Off. Come for the piss, and get the fuck out of there before a football game breaks out. Nobody should be subjected to that one. Not while Miami-Notre Dame is on NBC.