The Miami Heat Have Won a Basketball Game!!!

Issac Baldizon. Getty Images.

THE MIAMI HEAT HAVE WON A BASKETBALL GAME. I REPEAT THE MIAMI HEAT HAVE WON A BASKETBALL GAME.

It feels good to finally lets your nuts hang. I can finally feel the breeze caress my hair balls instead of them being in my stomach. Last night, the Miami Heat decided to play basketball. 

For the first time all year they looked like a legitimate basketball team. The last four games have been horrendous to watch. They might as well have been playing Yak basketball. They couldn’t rebound, couldn’t shoot, defense was worse than an open border, they couldn’t do anything right. 

However last night that was not the case. The Heat dominated on defense. They went from straw house to a brick house and that opened things up for us on offense. 

Speaking of offense, can we get a round of applause for Bam Adebayo. WAY TO ANSWER THE FUCKING CALL BAM. They wrote you off but you didn’t write back!!! FUCK EM. When our captain is in the paint playing with that “fuck you, I’m a bully” mindset the sky is the limit for this team. 

Our stars were great but the reason why the Heat won last night was because everyone was involved. Andrew Wiggins had a monster game, Pelle Larson and Tim Hardaway Jr. stepped up big time coming off the bench. When you have 7 guys in double digits it’s hard to lose a game. 

Last night was just the start of what I’m hoping is a very fun season for the Miami Heat.