BK Mag – I am an adult woman. I eat food and I drink drinks. I think I do an ok job of it. But apparently, men don’t think so. And so they try to explain to me what I’m doing wrong. These are some of those times.
This article is going viral today and is worth a read since it honestly kind of cracked me up all around. Mansplaining is one of those relatively new terms that have quickly gotten accepted in the super-liberal Internet and it boils down to how guys overly explain things to women as part of some sort of patriarchal societal tradition. It’s one of those things that kind of has a point but is also often as insane of a concept as it seems so, you know, like everything else I blog about. Here are some of the mansplaining situations she laid out, let’s see if they’re valid or not:
Okay so to fill this one under mansplaining seems unfair. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve been out with some chick who’s slender but fancies herself a “big eater” and then ends up ordering a giant burger and fries and an appetizer and eats like two bites of it and goes “I’m so full but it’s not usually like this! I eat so much!” Yeah okay lady. I’ve got no doubt in my mind I’ve eaten like 10 pounds of calories in my life from girls I’ve dated being quitters. Maybe this girl is the exception and he could have shut up like the rest of us do but fuck that, bitches be wasteful. VERDICT: HELPFUL AND FINANCIALLY PRUDENT MANSPLAINING
Am I wrong in saying this seems like the nicest thing a guy has ever done over margaritas? If anything you should congratulate yourself on meeting the first guy in the history of mankind who doesn’t want a chick to drink more (and ignores the fact that thinking a chick doesn’t know the rules of tequila is like assuming a girl is a virgin; in both cases trust me bro, she’s had it bigger and more full of Mexican liquids). But anyway when I was younger a friend of mine used to catch me getting blacked out, pick up on my drunken tells, and be like “Hey, mix in a water.” Saved me from certain death a few times. Now I have to do that myself like a chump because I’m supposed to be an “adult” who doesn’t “vomit all over himself in public settings.” Mansplain that to me, lady. VERDICT: ACTUALLY KINDA NICE MANSPLAINING
Another situation where I’ve had this exact same thing happen to me. With these random hot sauces you have at a Smorgasburg or random Mexican place, you never really know what you’re going to get heat wise. I’ve had one once with ghost chili on it and my eyes turned red and watery and I kept eating it because I was out with people and was not going to be that guy who pusses out in the face of some spice and my colon paid the iron price. I have no doubt this girl can handle her spice better than I can and that’s great, you just tell the guy “I fucking love spicy food” and, if his insinuation pisses you off, snarl at him like a rabid dog and move on. That guy was trying to save a life and some dignity. VERDICT: NOT MANSPLAINING
Whoa you drink Lime-A-Ritas lady? Hardooooooooooo. VERDICT: HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE MANSPLAINED THAT NO ONE SHOULD EVER BUY A LIME-A-RITA INSTEAD
Uh..what. VERDICT: THIS DUDE’S TRYNA FUCK
Anyway go read the article for a few more situations. If nothing else, it’s an interesting look at how women get treated by guys even over something as dumb as eating food. Also feel free to tell me to be careful if you ever see me putting hot sauce on something in public. Do both those things.
(Possibly psychotic woman laughing alone with her salad photo by Shutterstock)