4th of July Collection | Now Available at the Barstool StoreSHOP HERE

Advertisement

4 Things I Was Doing While I Was Banned From The Bracket Busters Stream

Before I go any further, I want to let people know they should absolutely support and follow the 2024 Bracket Busters challenge. It's a wonderful event brought on by our beautiful sponsors, who pay the bills so we can keep the lights on in the New York office while nobody is working. If this blog pops off, I would argue that I'm helping grow the event's popularity. Contrary to popular belief, I am still an employee, so I'm included in many of the emails sent out when there's a companywide event involving content people. I saw we were doing the Bracket Busters event again this year. YIPPEE! I look forward to being included. I excitedly rummaged through my emails when I saw that all the teams had been put together to see which group I would be a part of. You never know how long this opportunity is going to last. Who knows? Perhaps the Bracket Busters event will be the last time I see my coworker's beautiful faces. So I jumped at the opportunity to look at this list, like a kid ready to open his presents on Christmas morning. I looked through all the teams.

RE-JECTED. Despite receiving the email, I didn't make the cut. I walked with my head down like the fat kid crying into a pair of foggy rex specs after being told he was cut from the freshman basketball team. Business is business. We had to make room for diehard sports fans like Francis Ellis, a man whose biggest connection to sports is that he looks like every member of the 2006 Duke lacrosse team put together.

You know, I enjoy it. It really is a lot of fun to watch everybody hang out in the sandbox while you sit alone in the classroom, being the kid with head lice that nobody wants to touch. Here's the thing: how I feel on a day-to-day basis is based entirely on how much or how little I contribute to this job. If I have a day where I write a lot of blogs or put out a lot of videos, it's a success. If I put out something that doesn't work, it's a failure. Perfectly imbalanced. Also, don't act like it was some accident either; my banishment has become a verb at the company.

Considering Pat's success rate on The Dozen, I'm actually impressed he was able to spell "Castellani." He must have copied and pasted it from my Twitter handle. Here's a gold star and blue ribbon. So fuck it, I'll turn this into something productive. Here are four things I did on Monday while the rest of the company hung out on the Bracket Busters stream. Consider this the Mr. Rushmore of things I was doing today.

4- Exercising

Shutterstock Images.

Advertisement

Believe it or not, there was a time not long ago when my physical appearance resembled that of Vic Tayback from the show "Alice." Yeah, I wouldn't say I liked it. And yes, for a minute there, I put myself through some pretty harsh shit just to stay thin, but I stand by a pretty legitimate workout regimen. I get comments all the time from people asking me to go lift weights. These people usually have the body shape of Mike Wazowski. I really enjoy running because my alternate exercise routine would be punching holes in walls until my knuckles bleed. Seasonal depression has set in over the last few months, but I'm starting to get my energy back. I'll be running 10Ks in under an hour in no time. 

3- Watching sports

Shutterstock Images.

Last I checked, this is still a sports media company. I know we would like to reward people who make content in which they pretend to fart on strangers in public. If it works, it works; it's just not my vibe, dawg. I'm trying to mix it up. Play to your strengths. I'm looking forward March Madness, but It's a good thing my Wolverines aren't playing in the tournament this year, or else we'd have to drag two homeless men off the street and put Michigan hats on their heads as they act as the Detroit reps for the week. I'm sure the Tigers have a spring training game into which I can plug myself.

2- Working on interviews for "Chris And Company"

I've really enjoyed doing the show. It's been a lot of fun collaborating with my producer, Austin (who we should hire full-time), as we try to improve the product. I can throw the guy a few hundred bucks here and there, but he's been the Robin to my Batman. We recently made some tech upgrades, so I think the show's overall quality will improve shortly. It's a small operation right now, but as somebody who is supposed to be the Detroit guy here, I've done my best to tap into the Detroit market with these interviews. I recently interviewed a Cy Young favorite. It didn't get much attention. I know I'll never be as popular at this company as Frank Fleming. Still, considering our baseball coverage is…I don't even know at this point, I figured I'd try to contribute something. You can follow the show here

Advertisement

1- Blogging

Shutterstock Images.

Would I consider myself among the best bloggers on the site? No, I would not. I try to play my strengths; I've learned recently that I can control only what I can control. When I initially went to rehab, I wrote that I felt like I sucked at my job. I made a vow to myself that once I got clean, I would no longer feel that way. The only way out is to grind, and in terms of prolificness, I've been one of the top 10 bloggers on the site since I got sober. I'm very proud of that. Gaz asked for 35 blogs a month. I gave him 76. And I don't do some 70 word, 4 video shit either. We're talking substance. Yeah it's niche, but at least it's effort. I wrote. I wrote until my fingers bled and my veins pumped battery acid.

It doesn't make me as funny as Nick or as consistent as Reags (who I've met multiple times and still think is an AI blog bot), but there's a place for someone like that. Baseball season is coming up, and I'll be able to knock out 3 to 5 blogs a day easily. This isn't hard labor. But relative to what we're all asked to do around here, I feel like I'm carrying my weight. Dave told me my role was to blog. I'm doing my best. Some people work in coal mines. What can I say? I'm a lucky guy. 

Look, Bracket Busters is a great event. It gives Jeff D. Lowe another team to root for. Pretty soon, he'll have a favorite team in all 50 states. I wasn't on the stream, though I could hear Feitelberg's fake cigarette laughter wafting through my vents from hundreds of miles away. He tried to announce what he picked, but Kevin talked over it. See, kids, I can play along, too. I'm sure I'll get accused of trying to copy off brand Adam Driver Ohio Tate's lead by making content like this, but I've earned a clap back. I had no intention of doing this until I saw the list of teams.

This was originally part of the blog where I wrote a whole monologue about how the best way to get by at this company is to be a dick, and maybe I should lean into this type of content. But nah, dawg, this will be a one-time thing. I’m going to stay Chris. Chris is what got me here. Chris is who got better. Chris will pocket this fresh batch of disrespect and save it for a later date. Chris is the guy you’d be fucking stupid to give up on. Maybe this is my "Welcome to Barstool" moment. Took me long enough.

Advertisement

The thing about being open about shit is you kind of shed any semblance of shame. This is the ending to "8 Mile." I know what you will say in response before you even say it. Make your rehab jokes as I toss back a Coke Zero and wash down 469 days (nice) without alcohol in my system. Here's the thing: I got better, y'all didn't. You can't ice out a person on fire. So here, tell these people something they don't know about me.

Alright, that's about a year's worth of frustrations, I feel much better now. 

P.S. Vote me to be all All-Star on The Dozen. Let's see if I'm barred from that.