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The 2024 NFL Player Team Report Cards Are Here: The Chiefs Have The Worst Owner & Facilities. The Jaguars Solved Their Rat Problem. The Cardinals Have Stopped Charging Their Players To Eat In The Cafeteria. And The Bills Love Pretty Much Everything Except For Having Sit In Coach While Their Coaches Are In First Class. And Of Course, Washington Is The Worst At Everything.

One of our core jobs as a union is to improve the overall working conditions for our players, which includes the daily experience of players at the team facilities away from the lights and cameras.

1,706 of our players provided information to share with one another about their current club, to not only help them make important career decisions, but also help raise standards across the league.Our goals were to highlight positive clubs, identify areas that could use improvement, and highlight best practices and standards. To learn more about the background of this initiative, read a note from President JC Tretter here.

If you're interested in one of the better rabbit holes you can find online today, this is it. The NFLPA is a pretty dogshit association, and an even worse union (especially when compared to their counterparts in the MLB (arguably the second strongest union on Earth behind the Chicago Teachers Union), and the NBA players unions. 

Jerry touched on the Patriots disastrous results in his blog earlier

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which, echoing his sentiments, I think speaks more to the case of them losing than anything. When they were the toast of the party, and kicking everybody's ass there were never any of these issues. In fact it was the opposite for years and years. But I digress...

Some of the more eye-opening grades, after coming through this thing, were the following-

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

The biggest jump or improvement in scores overall came from the Jacksonville Jaguars, who went from 28th in the survey last year to 5th this year.

"When asked what the No. 1 thing they want changed at their facility, the answer was unanimous -- get rid of the rats!" the 2023 NFLPA report card read. "Players reported that for 3-4 weeks this season, there was a rat infestation in the locker room and laundry hampers.

The Jaguars unveiled new facilities at the start of training camp.

"New facilities, no more rats," NFLPA president JC Tretter said Wednesday. 

It's fucking insane to think that one of the franchises within a multi BILLION dollar corporation was such a dump, that players had been openly bitching about how bad it was for years now. If they were a restaurant, or bar, or other place of business that was open to the public they would have been shut down by the health department a long time ago. Glad they got it cleaned up this year.

They are also big fans of their owner.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

Interestingly, the back-to-back Super Bowl champion Kansas City Chiefs ranked 31st in the survey. Poor facilities hurt the Chiefs, as did owner Clark Hunt, who ranked 32nd among all owners as "the least likely to invest in his facilities," Tretter said. 

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Ethan Miller. Getty Images.

What do you expect from a guy who was born with a silver spoon up his ass though? Clark Hunt is basically George McCaskey but with a smoking hot daughter, and an unbelievable coach and front office. He's the grandson of an oil tycoon, who founded the the Dallas Texans, moved them to KC right before the merger, and struck just as big, long term gold. He played soccer at SMU, graduated and "landed" a cush job at Goldman Sachs where he worked for 2 years before "retiring" to go work for the family business. 

It's pretty amazing the team was able to succeed this season while still being forced to share hotel rooms with other grown men like its the Barstool Blackout Tour trying to pinch pennies

As well as the utter worst training staff in the entire league. I think this was the most shocking thing on the entire league's report. Amateur hour training facilities and training staff. Something you'd expect from the Bears, or Browns, or Jets. Not the world champs.

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On the flip side of the coin, head coach Andy Reid is ranked as the top head coach in the league which I don't think comes as a surprise to anybody. Kansas City better do everything in the universe to keep Reid employed and happy. As he goes, the team goes.

BUFFALO BILLS

There are three issues where they significantly lag behind most other teams, the first of which is team travel. Less than half of the players who responded feel like they have a comfortable amount of personal space when traveling, which is the lowest for any team in the NFL. The players expressed frustration in their responses that the biggest people (the players) must sit in the smallest seats, while the coaches and auxiliary staff get to sit in first class.


I love this. What a dumb dumb Sean McDermott continues to be. I'm on the record, annually for pointing out just how dumb this guy is-

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but it takes a different kind of naivete to kick up your feet up like your Francis, in first class, with the other normal-sized people on the coaching staff, while all the giant-sized humans schlep it past you to coach. 

Either that, or you're just a true cock-sucker like that free-loading mooch Uncle Frank in Home Alone.

"Fill it, fill it, fill it up please… thank youuuuu."

ARIZONA CARDINALS

You'll see more of this as you dive in team by team, but it's astonishing how cheap some of these billion dollar organizations are. 

Charging players at the team cafeteria is borderline insanity to me. All over the country, you see these football factory universities and colleges displaying the most incredible player amenities, training facilities, game rooms, and high-end culinary dining halls for their athletes. It's not only a perk to lure recruits, but if you're investing that much in their future, one would think, you'd want them fueling themselves up with the highest-grade, nutritious food possible, vs. hitting the corner 7-eleven for whatever food is under the heating lamps. Or a drive-thru somewhere. 

Makes no sense picking that to be cheap on.

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

 

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Tretter revealed the Tampa Bay Buccaneers charge some players to not have a roommate on road trips. He said the Buccaneers charged players close to $1,750 to opt out of having a roommate. Tretter said if players had four or fewer years in the league or weren't a starter, they would have a roommate on the road unless they paid the sum. Oh yah, and they have fucking gross showers and bed bugs in the locker room. What a disgrace. 

CINCINNATI BENGALS

Last year, the Bengals didn't provide three meals a day for their players. This year, they do … but only on Wednesdays.

Giphy Images.

I guess that's an improvement? That's the most Brown family "concession" ever. 

Sir, the players are really upset that we aren't giving them 3 meals a day in the cafeteria.

Are you kidding me? What do they think, I'm made out of money?

Well sir, the team did gross $498 million last season alone, your family did purchase the franchise for $7.5 Million and it's valuation is now $3.5 Billion….

Oh be quiet, who asked you? Tell them they can have 3 square meals on Wednesdays and Wednesdays only. 

LAS VEGAS RAIDERS

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In the least shocking news, now former Raiders head coach Josh McDaniels, who was fired on Halloween, ranked as the worst head coach.

MIAMI DOLPHINS

The Miami Dolphins dethroned the Minnesota Vikings as the top overall workplace according to the survey, although Minnesota finished No. 2 in 2023 with two categories (food/cafeteria, training staff). Dolphins owner Stephen Ross was the highest-rated owner in the NFL for his willingness to invest in the facilities, and Miami received straight As. Pretty impressive stuff.

WASHINGTON COMMANDERS

You almost gotta tip your hat to the level of ineptitude the Washington football organization exudes, pretty much, across the board. 

It's not just the fan experience that sucks, it's just as shitty to play for them also it appears from these grades.

They play in a literal dump.

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And not only does shit rain on the fans inside the stadium, but the players also have to deal with it inside their own locker room.

I think the saddest but funniest part of this entire assessment, league wide, is the disparity between legitimate billionaires, and the players who bolster their cash cows. 

Like I mentioned in terms of Mike Brown above, aside from Josh Harris and some of the newer generation owners, most of these guys, and families, bought these entire franchises for less than they pay their starting quarterbacks this season. Think about that. Obviously it's relative to the day-in-age they were purchased, 7.5 million was worth a shit ton more back in the 60s than it is today, but the point remains. These guys have made 10,000x plus on their returns, live lives like few in the world, besides sultans and sheiks can dream, and couldn't be further disconnected from how their prized employees are treated. 

Oblivious doesn't even begin to describe it. 

Factor in that the NFL generated 19 BILLION in gross revenue last season. Well on pace for Roger Goodell's target goal of $25 Billion by 2027 and these guys all continue to laugh all the way to the bank. 

Giphy Images.

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