BREAKING: Punxsutawney Phil Dragged His Little Groundhog Nuts On Old Man Winter's Forehead And Predicted An Early Spring
LET'S FUCKING GO PHIL, YOU BEAUTIFUL LITTLE RODENT BASTARD! YOUR SHADOW REFUSING TO SHOW UP LIKE THE COWBOYS THIS TIME OF YEAR IS EXACTLY WHAT WE NEEDED RIGHT NOW!!!
Actually I can't lie, I feel like the last few winters haven't been all that bad. The temperatures have been higher than usual while the snowfall has plummeted. But the quicker the cold goes away before March Madness transitions us from the bitter cold to those glorious hoodie and shorts weather days, the better.
So yes, I am going to believe whatever the weirdos who dressed up in top hats at the crack ass of dawn read on a pre-written scroll about what some terrified little groundhog said after they woke him up in front of a ton of legitimate crazy people no matter how often they are wrong about the weather. Spring is coming and so am I. Okay, that was a little aggressive during the 7 AM hour. I just really hate the cold.
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Now an obligatory shout out to the absolute classic movie that is a huge reason this weird ass tradition still gets traction these days.