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Baltimore Is Trying So Hard To Be Philadelphia And The Whole City Needs To Be Put In Jail For Identity Theft

What the actual fuck is this?

I think I speak on behalf of all of Philadelphia when I say this is an act of war. We can't just sit back and allow this shit to happen. Identity theft is a real issue, and I won't stand for Baltimore so blatantly trying to rip off every single thing that Philly makes popular. 

This nonsense first popped up on my radar last month when RDT was referring to the Orioles as "the Birds". 

And listen. I get it. Is an oriole technically a bird? Of course it is. Heck, so is a raven. But an oriole is a little bitch bird, and a raven is just a crow that is into astrology or some shit. You ask anybody around the country who you're talking about when you say "Go Birds", and they'll tell you the Philadelphia Eagles. 1) Because eagles are bad ass and a simple of the greatest nation on the planet, and 2) because Philly sports fans have cultivated a culture of being so deranged and passionate about our teams that it's the first thing people think of when it comes to this city (aside from the homicide rates, which Baltimore is also trying to steal from us). 

But whatever. I figured RDT was just a little excited to watch his precious little Orioles in the playoffs and got carried away with himself. But for these sacks of shit to then follow that up with referring to M&T Bank Stadium as "The Bank"?

Giphy Images.

And again, I get it. M&T Bank Stadium opened up before Citizens Bank Park. But if you were just to have "The Birds" or just have "The Bank" on their own, it wouldn't be a major issue. To take both of them just reeks of insecurity. Philly made The Birds popular. Philly made The Bank popular. Philly made a group of unruly teens wreaking havoc on the local traffic system while riding through the city on unregistered dirt bikes popular. Every time Philly does something, here comes Baltimore to pick up the scraps and try to make it look like their own. Even our admittedly gross hoagie mouth accent. 

I'll give them credit, however, and say the one thing they took from us and actually made better was Nelson Agholor. 

But I'm sick of it. And the worst part is that Philly and Baltimore never really get a chance to play each other in anything. Those cowards know the only way they can get away with this is because they're able to fly under the radar in different conferences. I guess technically you could make the case for the Wizards and Capitals, but those are DC teams and they don't try to take anything from Philly. So they're cool. It's just an issue specific to Baltimore. 

So I propose if there ever comes a time when the Eagles and Ravens meet up in the Super Bowl, it's a loser leaves town game. An immediate C&D on both the Birds and the Bank for whichever city loses. 

Go Birds.