The Eagles Should Already Start Protesting The Result Of Monday Night's Game Against The Chiefs Due To Taylor Swift's Corruption
Cooper Neill. Getty Images.The only place in America right now that knows a football game is to be played on Monday night is Philadelphia. We are the only serious city left in America. Outside of Philly, the only thing people are talking about when it comes to Monday night are the Swifts meeting the Kelces for the first time, and breaking viewership records.
It's disgusting. Because this is a rematch of last year's Super Bowl. A Super Bowl that was stolen out of the hands of the Philadelphia Eagles by some old sack of shit who can't figure out how to grow grass that doesn't turn into a slip n' slide. It was stolen out of the hands of the Philadelphia Eagles by whatever drugs the doctors loaded Patrick Mahomes up with in the locker room during halftime. We should had been celebrating our 2nd Super Bowl in 5 years, but it was taken from us.
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Now the Eagles have a chance to go out there and at least get a little bit of revenge on Monday night. At least get some of that sour taste of defeat out of their mouths before they get a chance to potentially see the Chiefs again in the Super Bowl this year. But the NFL doesn't care about football anymore. They don't give a shit about the game. This is strictly an entertainment league at this point, there are going to be millions of "Swifties" watching the game on Monday night to see shots of the families meeting each other, and the NFL is going to give the people what they want--a Chiefs win.
You know it's coming. I know we joke about the script and all that nonsense, but you're out of your mind if you don't think the NFL will do everything in its power to give this game a storybook ending. Taylor Swift mentioned the Chiefs in one of her concerts. You don't think the NFL is now totally in her back pocket? Think again, cowboy.
All I'm saying is if I were the Eagles, I'd already get the processed started on protesting a Chiefs win in this game on the strong chance that tomfoolery is afoot. And if, despite all odds and obstacles in their way, they end up winning this game? It'll be one of the most impressive wins in recent history. They're going up against the reigning champs who stole a Super Bowl out of their fingers last year, the entire league, and an army of deranged lunatics who are obsessed with Taylor Swift. Luckily there's not other team I'd want to back heading into this battle.