The FTX Betrayal is Complete as Sam Bankman-Fried's Weirdo Orgy Cult Girlfriend Testifies He MADE Her Lose Their Investors' Billions

Michael M. Santiago. Getty Images.

Perhaps no subjects in the world have inspired more wisdom from our greatest minds like the topics of love, money, and which is ultimately more important in this life. As Khalil Gibran put it, “Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.” And in the words of Kinky Friedman, "Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail." 

On this, all the philosophers agree. Money can't buy you love. Not even $13 billion of other people's life savings. If it could, then Sam Bankman-Fried's, quirky, sex-positive, polygamy cult girlfriend Caroline Ellison:

Advertisement

… would still be standing by his side as he's on trial. She'd still be living in their offshore "polycule," posting her thoughts on Tumblr under her pseudonym Fake Charity Nerd Girl about how the ideal orgy dynamic is modeled on the 'imperial Chinese harem," where “Everyone should have a ranking of their partners, people should know where they fall on the ranking, and there should be vicious power struggles for the ranks," as she has before.

But alas, the world doesn't work the way the wise philosophers like Paul McCartney wish it would. Because first SBF blamed FCNG for blowing everyone's fortunes:

And now she's in court, testifying against him for the prosecution:

Source - Ellison confronted the disgraced crypto titan in court Tuesday — matter-of-factly telling jurors that he bears the blame for deciding to steal billions in FTX customer funds. 

Caroline Ellison was close to tears this morning as she was asked to describe her state of mind about the hedge fund she ran at one point holding $13 billion worth of FTX user deposits.

"I was in a state of dread," a sniffling Ellison told jurors, in the most emotional moment during her two days of testimony.

"I was kind of thinking and worrying about what might happen if too many people tried to withdraw too much money at one time," Ellison added. …

In June 2022, Alameda sent over doctored balance sheets to one of its lenders that hid the fact that the company — of which Ellison, 28, was CEO — had been dipping into customers' crypto wallets, she said.

The Stanford-educated math whiz — who is also Bankman-Fried's ex-girlfriend — said she followed his orders to send the false files to crypto lending firm Genesis, despite knowing that doing so was wrong.

"I really didn't want to be dishonest, but I also didn't want them to know the truth," Ellison told jurors. …

Genesis ended up declaring bankruptcy in January, a few months after FTX's November 2022 collapse. 

“He directed me to commit these crimes,” Ellison said.

Listen, no one's going to sit here and make excuses for Fake Charity Nerd Girl. Sure, she bankrupted thousands of depositors who trusted her with their children's inheritance. OK, so untold numbers of elderly people had to go back to work as Walmart greeters just to keep cans of soup in the cupboards so they don't die cold and alone. Fine, she knowingly and deliberated defrauded another company and put them out of business. 

But she's suffered too. Otherwise, she wouldn't be crying. She's a victim. A victim of love. She was in a state of dread, after all. She didn't want to be dishonest. She also didn't want to be honest. That doesn't make her a liar, a grifter or a felon. It makes her … some other thing. Someone who is guilty of loving the wrong man. And several of their friends, whom they regularly had sex with. 

And if all those philosophers, poets, musicians, authors and artists are correct, Caroline Ellison and Sam Bankman-Fried losing their love for one another (and others) is much more tragic than them stealing your life's savings right out from under your nose. Call me a hopeless romantic, call me what you will. But I hope Caroline can find another polycule to join soon, where she can finally meet her soulmate(s) and live happily ever after.