You're A Pussy If You're Scared of Aliens After Seeing That Bitch Ass Alien Laying In A Casket Like A Dead Loser

Chaps9/13/2023 5:30 PM

First of all, everyone knows by now that this story is fake and if you dont, you're a big ole dummy. But people who were all in fear of aliens need to take a long, hard look in the mirror. Why? Because I could fuck that alien up in a heartbeat and any grown man with a modicum of strength could too.

Look, I'm 41 and my fightin days are far behind me. Although I'm still wearing 33-waist pants, I'm fat at heart and spirit. My insides are fat. I drink Dr Pepper and eat McDonald's breakfast like four days a week. I ride an electric bike to work and peddle leisurely the entire way. Other than that and an evening stroll with Baby Dale Woohoo and Gussy Boy From Heaven Above, I do not work out whatsoever.

That being said, I would whoop the fuck out of an alien that looks like that. I wouldn't even bat an eye if he was coming at me. I would just sit there, look for the counter punch, and lay his little ass out. After that, I'd swing that little bitch alien into the turnbuckle and coming flying in with a stinger splash. I'd follow that with a Hogan leg drop right across the next. Think I'm done? No you little bitch, I'm not done. I'd remove my elbow cover, run back and forth a couple of times, and then drop an elbow that would shatter the sound barrier.

There's still time for one more move. You know what that'll be?

Torture rack.

You think any more of those aliens are coming around when I got their dicks in my hands and I'm torturing them even after they tap out? Nope. They'd be deadso. DEADSO.

Did I save the world hypothetically?

No.