I Know I'm Old Because I Got Very Nervous Watching This Video

To quote the late, great Mark Cuban "and for that reason, I'm out". Out on that video, and maybe out on life too. I'm officially an old man. There's no two ways about it, I'm over the hill. I turn 34 years old on October 10th and I feel every second of it. My bones hurt, I'm tired all the time, I like to eat dinner early, and when I watch football I make sounds like "oof" when guys get hit. And now I can't even watch IG videos, where I know the people don't die otherwise we wouldn't have posted it, without getting nervous. I want to ask these young men what in the hell they are thinking! I want to sit them down and have a stern conversation where I tell them I'm not mad, just disappointed. That roof is too high and that water is too shallow! 

I mean I know they are professionals. Sorta. Go to the one guy's IG page and he'll give you a heart attack.

I love watching these videos but I also hate it. It's like watching free solo climbing videos. You know they live because the video got posted but it won't stop your palms from sweating the entire time. In case you missed this one, it's a great one:

Now if you'd excuse me, there are some god damn kids on my lawn.