Where have all the assholes gone?

When I joined Barstool 2 1/2 years ago it was riddled with assholes.

I didn't really give a shit because I have enough friends, but the fact remains that the place wasn't that "nice" of a place to work at.

It was (and continues to be) the greatest place in the world to work, but that doesn't change the fact it was clicky and the people on the outside of those clicks just kinda kept to themselves.

It was the type of place that when you sneezed there was a 10% chance of hearing anything that resembled "God bless you." because, for the most part, God was dead.

Then, all of a sudden, Darth Vader in skinny jeans goes from calling girls fat and getting dragged out of sporting events to calling families on the phone and dragging their small businesses out of debt.

And even before the fund began, Clancy was supporting cops' families, Liz was saving every stray dog in NYC, and Alex Cooper was teaching wayward girls how to become even more wayward.

Then today, I got a taste of that charity myself.

I mentioned yesterday that my wife and I have COVID and that we were pretty sick from it (also sick of it).  I fully expect to fully recover, but it hasn't fully been a walk in the park for us like it has been for some others fully.

So while my kids are on auto-pilot, Annie and I have been cooped up on the top floor of our house like Anne Frank in 1943.

We have plenty of groceries for the time being and the kids have been ordering out quite a bit, so any offers for help from family and friends, we have politely declined.

Then tonight around 8 PM, as we were actually trying to figure out what to feed the kids, our doorbell rang.

Now, I mentioned before that I have enough friends, but being quarantined and having visitors especially doesn't mix, so I slowly made my way over to the front door, hoping I would miss whatever delivery guy or neighbor it might have been.

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And I did miss them... By the time I opened my door, there were 4 full bags of groceries from Stew Leonards on my front porch and an SUV was speeding out of sight.

Even with this seemingly generous gift at our feet, my wife and I were immediately incensed with the idea that someone had bought us groceries because we assumed it was an overachieving asshole that we would never want to return the favor to.

Right away she had said, "I bet it was so-and-so."

And I said, "Nah... It was probably this-other-guy."

None of the names we threw out made us feel overly thankful... And that isn't because we hate everyone... We just hate owing people favors.

Then I got a text...

"Feed a cold... Starve a fever... Drown COVID-19 with Stew Leonards."

It was from Clem... And my wife and I lit up like 2 sickly Christmas trees.

Fucking Clem, with a homerun move.

Here's why this is special:

- Clem lives 40 minutes away from me.

- It is snowing out… Actually sleeting, and the roads tonight surrounding this area are terrible.

- Clem and his smoking hot wife have 2 small children that are not yet equipped with auto-pilot.

- And it is NFL Sunday.

That is an extraordinary effort from an extraordinary friend… And I have already said stupidly in this blog that "I have enough friends", but I am so glad that I found the room and (more importantly) the opportunity to add at least one more.

Thanks for the grub, Clem… You're a fucking gem.

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(that is not socially distant, and I do not care)

Take a report.

-Large

Willie (who dropped off flowers for my bride earlier today) and I are back on Barstool Breakfast tomorrow AM, and Clem and I are back on a brand-new Podfathers dropping this Wednesday… And we have a LOT to cover.

TAR

-L