Black Friday Weekend - 20% OffShop Now

45 ISIS Fighters Had A Meal To Break Their Ramadan Fast And Oops They All Got Poisoned And Died

Screen Shot 2015-07-08 at 9.57.20 AM

#poisonedsquadgoals

 

Haaretz – Iraqi media reported on Tuesday that 45 Islamic State fighters died after eating a Ramadan fast-breaking meal in the city of Mosul in Iraq.

Citing the spokesman of the Kurdish Democratic Party, reports said that it was unclear if it was a case of deliberate poisoning or food poisoning.

According to the Kurdish party spokesman, 145 ISIS fighters participated in the iftar meal, and 45 of them died a short time later.

Mosul, which had a population of over 1 million people, was captured by Islamic State fighters in June and is the largest city in the group’s self-declared caliphate, a stretch of territory that straddles the border between northern Iraq and eastern Syria.

This was not the first time ISIS reportedly suffered casualties as a result of poisoned food. In November, dozens of ISIS fighters died after Free Syrian Army militants infiltrated their base in Syria, posed as chefs, and poisoned their lunches.

 

It would have been nice to get all 145 guys in the feast with the poison but, assuming this is a deliberate plot and not just some bad sushi, that’s a pretty fucking awesome ratio on the part of whomever perpetrated it. Maybe poisoning food isn’t as bad ass as storming in and executing them all with your bare hands one by one as they refuse to fight you in a group like some martial arts movie but screw it, it’s ISIS, we’ll take whatever we can get. Especially because death by food poisoning is such a fitting end for ISIS fighters; they have these incredibly outdated beliefs and are dragging the Middle East back to the stone ages so why not let them die the same way that Henry VII might have if he didn’t have a food taster? Only the best and most antiquated for you guys.

 

Also do you still get the 72 virgins in the afterlife if you die eating baba ghanoush with arsenic in it? Not exactly the most glorious martyrdom I’ve ever heard of. Even if you get 72 virgins in that situation, Muhammad is definitely shopping at the 1200 Iraqi dinar store for those, just a bevy of chicks with peg legs and unibrows and guys who tweet about girls not liking “nice guys” in between rounds of World of Warcraft. Hope it was worth it fuckos.