Jon Lester Is Buying Miller Lites For Everybody In Chicago This Weekend And I'm Not Joking

"Regardless of what's next" basically means Jon Lester is not coming back to the Chicago Cubs. That's the way I read it with limited room for interpretation. Everyone everywhere says this offseason will be a ghost town because cash flows are crushed from the pandemic. Teams are laying off 50% of their employees. The Cubs are heavily leveraged and just did that stupid TV network that blows. Theo has to set the team up for his inevitable departure next offseason. Lester earns $25M on the team option. All of that is why my brain has limited room for interpretation to "Regardless of what's next." Honestly what's next is probably a 1-year, $8M deal on a team that finishes around .500. That's my crystal ball and it fucking blows. Let's worry about it later. 

For now, let's celebrate the fact that Lester is offering up an A+ gesture to a city that could most certainly use a few cold ones. Goddamn do I love this guy. The most successful Cub in the history of the Cubs. (I think, based on regular season win percentage of someone playing at least 4 seasons.) The biggest free agent in Chicago history. The most beloved leader of any pitching staff across Major League Baseball. Literally everyone loves this fucking guy and for good reason. He's the kind of man who opens up a tab at 4 bars for an entire weekend for the entire city to crush Miller Lites. 

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Is it any surprise Lester loves the good stuff? That he's team Miller Lite and appreciates the full body flavor on just 96 calories? Absolutely not. One look at the guy and you know he just bulldozes Great Tasting Less Fillings. Probably an awesome drinking game partner but not just the layups like beer pong and flip cup. I'm talking quarters and edward 40 hands. Maybe chandelier if someone has a ladle. That's where the competitive juices really flow. That's where Jon Lester is at his best. 

See you guys this weekend, probably several times.