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The Stoolies Delivered. Lunatic Voicemails Have Begun Rolling In... Here's Another Gem.

There's been a lot of whining lately around these parts about the quality of the blog slipping over the past few years. Mostly by people who've been around a long long time and were fully capable of not letting that happen, but I digress. 

Putting out quality content is not rocket science. 

Especially when you go out of your way to let everybody know how much longer you've been reading the site than everybody else. You should know what works. K.I.S.S. 

Again I digress. 

The other day I posted a voicemail that a lifelong stoolie sent me that reminded me of the good shit this site used to post back in the day. 

Not as great as Dave's Ryen Rusillo, John Dennis voicemail. But still pretty good. (fuckin devnest)

In the blog, I asked for readers to send over any other crazy shit they had similar to this one. And man oh man did you guys deliver.

So much quality stuff sent over in just a couple of days that we might have to get Frank Rizzo back in action and start-up The Jerky Boys again.

Today I present the first of what is hopefully many of these.


Dante - Saw your article on Barstool about the Iron Worker who left a voicemail looking for work. Great stuff. Reminded me of something that was sent to me a few years ago. I believe it originated from someone who worked at *, which is a large staffing firm. I think it was kind of infamous within the company and a friend of a friend who worked there passed it along to me. So I don't know the context really or what job the guy was calling about, but as you will hear, that doesn't really matter.


Where to begin on this.

First off, our man Thomas wastes no time in letting the recruiter know he doesn't need this job. As he's coming into big time money. Long money (as Rick Ross says). So he's actually doing the recruiter a favor here by reaching out. Not the other way around. 

Nice strategy.

Also, "he doesn't even like money". 

He's "very well educated", strike that, he's a genius. Not to brag, 

He has a lot of powerful friends, also not to brag.

He states he'll do anything from shovel shit to study stock values. That's my kind of employee. We call that management material in my company. A guy or gal capable and willing to do everybody else's job. Love the spirit.

Resume? It will "blow your arm off", but unfortunately his computer is on the fritz. 

One caveat, he can only make $1000 a month because he's on disability…

In fact, he's terminally ill. BUT, he doesn't even look sick. Docs gave him 3 months to live. 6 Years ago. Again, not to brag.

p.s. - young women love him. And that's a problem.

I mean if our friend Tim's company here didn't hire a guy this talented AND this humble, then it's probably safe to say they're not going to be in business much longer. You can't let guys like this come knocking on your door and not answer.

Please keep these voicemails coming. Let me know what you need edited out. Not trying to lose anybody's job.

Send them to

p.s. - sorry for the passive aggressiveness up at the top of this blog. it's been a very rough week in Chicago and I'm rattled. Plus I can't stand when people make excuses.