Question: What Kind of IDIOT Gets Hurt Playing Kickball? Answer: Dolphins Kicker Caleb Sturgins, Me In 9th Grade
WaPo – The Miami Dolphins decided that kickball would be just a swell team-bonding exercise during their organized team activity period. And then their kicker got injured. Playing kickball. According to the Miami Herald’s Barry Jackson, Caleb Sturgins will miss the remainder of the team’s offseason practices after suffering a quadriceps injury to his non-kicking leg during the team-mandated fun. He should be back for training camp in August. Jackson reports that the Dolphins knew they were taking something of a risk by scheduling an activity usually performed by schoolchildren and drunken twenty-something officer workers, and that “there is disappointment internally about this.” Who exactly scheduled the kickball outing has yet to be revealed.
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Hey, Friday Barstool Confession time! I broke my hip in 9th grade playing kickball. It was something like the 3rd to last day of school and I kicked the ball too hard and with too much force and popped my hip bone right on out. Yep, just like your 90 year old Nana. Was on crutches for months. (It was that Summer I got really good at foosball though because I had a table in my basement and couldn’t do anything outside. So that’s why I’m the best foosball player I know.)
But guess what? It turns out I’m actually a superstar athlete, because Dolphins kicker Caleb Sturgins ALSO got hurt playing kickball. And he’s paid money to kick a ball. Amazing! Just goes to show my injury definitely was NOT because I weighed 100 pounds soaking wet as a high school freshman with exactly 0% muscle on my body, and more so because my leg was so powerful I just couldn’t even handle my own strength. Yep. Definitely that.
PS: Do people from outside of DC realize that the National Mall, home to some of the most historic events ever, is basically a glorified kickball, soccer, and softball field about 95% of the year? You think it’s all pristine and MLK and Kennedy and stuff, and sure maybe a little, but it’s main purpose is for 20 somethings to get drunk and hit a ball. Then every so often it’s like “no softball today, presidential inauguration, see ya next week and don’t forget your red cups”.