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Former Traffic Cop Who Transformed Into "Jesus" After Losing Job Is Shockingly Arrested for Being Cult Leader

Religion has never really been my thing. There are simply far too many religions and beliefs to choose from. Even then, it feels like they all hate each other so it feels best to stay out of that altogether. As much as I'd love to devote my entire existence to Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Cthulu, etc. there's just too much margin for error. That and the people who manage to shoehorn their religious beliefs into every imaginable situation are the fucking worst. If I was to turn into that type of person, shoot me in the head and put me out of my misery. It's best if I just sit on the sideline for the whole religious experience and hopefully it won't bite me in the ass when I'm dead. That would suck.

Cults, however, are a different story. I would join a cult so fast if presented the opportunity. There's just something about being a part of a secret society that is very enticing. So long as I'm not having my body mutilated by some Charles Manson motherfucker, I'm in. Nothing wrong with a lil cult following. 

Unless, of course, it's a cult that abducts children or some other evil shit. I don't have that in me. 

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Russian authorities mounted a special operation to arrest a former traffic police officer who claims to be the reincarnation of Jesus and has run a cult based in the depths of Siberia for the past three decades.

Ah jeez. You really forget how many cults are centered around religion until you see shit like this. Suddenly, cults are far less cool. My brain had imagined a Kids Next Door type cult where all you do is eat candy and fight adults. Boy was I wrong. One could argue that all religions are just cults but that's a different discussion for a different day. 

You mean to tell me that some random traffic officer turned into Jesus one day and everyone just believed him? Religion is so fucking weird. People just look for anything to cling onto, huh?

"Gosh Ethan, don't you believe in anything?"

Yes. Simulation theory. Nothing's real anyway, so who really cares? 

Torop, who lost his job as a traffic officer in 1989, claimed he experienced an “awakening” as the Soviet regime began to collapse. In 1991 he founded a movement now known as the Church of the Last Testament.

Several thousand followers live in a series of remote hamlets in the Krasnoyarsk region in Siberia. Converts to the cult have included professionals from across Russia as well as pilgrims from abroad.

“I am not God. And it is a mistake to see Jesus as God. But I am the living word of God the father. Everything that God wants to say, he says through me,” Vissarion told the Guardian in 2002.

This is exactly why I can't bring myself to trust overly religious people. They're far too quick to believe things are real. Like lets maybe ask this guy some fucking questions before you devote your entire life to the church he started ten minutes ago. It's awfully coincidental that this guy popped up as some sort of second coming right as he lost his job AND the Soviet Union collapsed. 

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Everyone knows I'm a snake it till you make it guy. Always have been, always will be. That being said, Jesus impersonations feel cheap. Anyone could sit inside for months, grow out their hair/facial hair, and claim to be the main man JC. This guy just happened to do it in goddamn Siberia during the early days of the internet where no one could fact check his phony bologna story.  Kind of a right place, right time scenario for this guy but his days of being a child of God are over. 

Helicopters and armed officers stormed communities run by Sergei Torop, known to his followers as Vissarion, and arrested him and two of his aides. Russia’s investigative committee said it would charge him with organising an illegal religious organisation, alleging that the cult extorted money from followers and subjected them to emotional abuse.

Sidenote - the name Vissarion is kickass. Wish it was more common and not used for some lunatic cult leader.

The fact that this man was able to make it THREE DECADES without being halted by any sort of authority is damn near miraculous. Who could've possibly guessed that this guy would be taking money from these people? And he was emotionally abusing them? Damn. I never would've suspected such a thing from a cult revolving off some guy who lost his job, grew out his hair, and claimed that God spoke to him. He seems like a very trustworthy man who I would most definitely rely on to keep my funds safe and sound. 

This is just a good lesson to never trust anyone. Everyone is just trying to look for a way to exploit you, even the "second coming" of Jesus Christ.