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Dumbest Man In America Prints Off Porn at Local Walmart

Our own Wallo 267 often talks about the trials and tribulations of being locked up, from being in the prison talent show to how to fashion a good old fashioned pocket pussy. So when I read about this dude in Ogden, Utah who was going WAYYYY out of his way to lend a helping hand to his boys in prison, I expected it to be the kind of story that you might hear on the latest episode of MWOG. 

It turned out to be a porn story and not the good kind.

The subject of prisoners and porn has been covered in detail, particularly in this article by Vice

Apparently a single porno magazine can be worth $200 in prison. Think about that. You could retire on your old man’s stash of Oui and Naked Nuns magazines you found in the basement. Prison porn is BIG ASS BUSINESS.

Which explains why John Hughes (no relations to the cinematic genius who created Sixteen Candles) was busy at Walmart printing off pornographic images on the self-service photo machine.

“For the homies that are locked up.” 

[Sheds emotional tear] 

True friends are hard to come by and loyalty is one of the most important traits one can have, especially when the chips are down. Is there anything more loyal than risking a felony charge just so your boys in the pen can get their rocks off? 

I certainly can’t think of anything. 

Apparently in Utah law (76-10-1204) it's illegal to distribute pornographic material, punishable by a minimum mandatory fine of $100+$10/article and at least seven days of incarceration.

10 DOLLARS AN ARTICLE? Wow. 

I have questions. 

One, how did he tagged for this? Someone snitched. 

Now I’m not normally a proponent of hitting the snitch hotline (outside of the NBA bubble), but I am if what is alleged is true. 

According to the local Ogden newspaper, “those who complained said the images appeared to show underage females, something Hughes denies.”

Yikes. 

So, maybe he deserves to join his homies in the nudie magazine desert that is the Utah penitentiary for printing that garbage and attempting to ship it to his alleged pedophile homies. 

Two, how did the police find him? Well, the way he was arrested shows why we should never get ink in areas that can be caught on surveillance cams. 

Hughes, who was identified because of his “notable tattoos,” faces third-degree felony charges for distribution of pornographic material. 

To me, the moral of the story is pretty clear. Finding a friend who will bring you a porn stash in prison is only half the battle. What you really need is for your boys to know not only that printing out porn in public is a bad, bad idea, but if it appears like the women are underage, he’ll be joining you serving hard time.