HP – A Florida man is accused of covering his exposed penis with a plastic bag and rubbing against an unsuspecting woman at a farmer’s market. Luis Gonzaga, 77, was arrested Wednesday at the Volusia County Fairgrounds in Volusia County, Florida, the Orlando Sentinel reports. A witness told police that around 9:30 a.m., she saw Gonzaga expose himself, cover up his genitals with a plastic bag, then removed it after getting in line behind a woman. The woman said she felt “what she assumed was a bag of produce” touch her twice from behind, according to the Sentinel. When the witness shouted to alert the woman to what was happening, Gonzaga allegedly tried to run away, but other shoppers stopped him and held him until law enforcement arrived. Gonzaga allegedly denied the accusations, saying he is impotent, WESH reported. He was charged with lewd or lascivious exhibition, indecent exposure and battery.
Classic Florida farmer’s market. Classic. I didn’t expect anything else from this story. It had the beginning, middle, and end that we all deserved. Friends became enemies, enemies became friends. Your classic tale of your protagonist Luis Gonzaga, an old man with nothing to lose. Goes on an adventure to get his dick wet at the farmer’s market. Plot twist: disguises his dick as a bag of carrots. Who woulda saw that coming? Certainly not the old ladies at the farmer’s market. They played right into his hand. However, things got a bit dicey when Gonzaga when he just pulled off the bag and went full raw dog dick on her arm. Kinda a mistake, dude. You can’t pretend to be carrying around a bag of cucumbers then blow your cover at the check out line.
As for claiming he is “impotent”, I’m not even sure how that’s an excuse here. What does that have to do with putting your weener in a plastic bag? Kinda love the excuse, like, no it’s fine, I can’t bang anyway! But I’m not sure that’s the one that’s gonna help him in the court of law.