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Day ?? of Quarantine: My Mom Trapped a Dinosaur Sized Raccoon That Was Threatening To Kill Us All

Yesterday I made my delayed escape from New York City and headed home to New Jersey. I had self-quarantined for three weeks now and I was able to get a ride from a family friend, so I jumped on it to be at home with my mom during this crisis. She's got a birthday in a few weeks so it was now or never when it came to leaving the big apple. Go figure in the first year of moving out a global pandemic would force me to come home and stay here for the foreseeable future. 

Anyways, it only took a few hours of being in the comforts of Jersey to have me question my decision to come back. Around 10:00 at night my mom knocked on my door and said, "I got another one!" Having absolutely no idea what she was talking about I sort of ignored what she said and continued watching Gossip Girl (I'm addicted, this is quarantine life now, do not shame). 

A few minutes later she sent me this picture. 

That my friends is a dinosaur. That motherfucker was running around in our attic causing all sorts of chaos! If that thing gets loose in the house everyone is dead. Coronavirus no longer an issue because we're all getting rabies and becoming zombies like in I Am Legend. 

Strangely enough, my mom didn't bother to alert me or ask for my help at the time. The family is in danger and she chose to let not fill in the fit 26 year old college graduate with the situation at hand. Does that show she's a very independent woman or that she renders me completely useless when it comes to these things? Probably both! 

She set a trap with strawberries, which apparently raccoons like, and trapped it. What a hero. 

Now some of you may be wondering if you've heard this story before. It's because you have. 

Last year the exact same thing happened, only when the guy came to take the raccoon away he set down the trap next to his car and accidentally set it free. What a fucking idiot. Was this the same raccoon? It's very possible. This time the guy came in the morning to pick it up and successfully took the creature away to a very far distance to set it free. We're not out here killing pregnant raccoons people. Just get them out of my goddamn house. I don't need to be scanning the internet at 3am and hearing things walking above me. I guess I do get that in NYC, but it's different when you're not supposed to hear those things. 

Moral of the story, my mom is one brave motherfucker and has little to zero trust in me when it comes to capturing live animals. I do not blame her.