Kevin Stefanski Had To Promise His Kids A Dog And A Trip To Disney World To Agree To Move To Cleveland

Quite the unimpressive introductory press conference yesterday from Kevin Stefanski, if you ask me. He had a pretty good quote when he said "I don't mind personality...personality is welcomed, production is required", but other than that, he seems like a real snoozefest. And that doesn't necessarily make him a bad coach, but I'd like my head coach to rally the troops a little better than that. But I'm spoiled, I had Urban Meyer.

Anyways, by far the most interesting part of the presser was when he announced what he had to do to get his three kids to agree to move to Cleveland:

Sports Illustrated - New Cleveland Browns head coach Kevin Stefanski was humble to open his press conference, thanking any number of people for this opportunity; from ownership to the coach searching committee to the Minnesota Vikings, coaches he's worked with and players he's coached. He then humanized himself by talking about his family and suggesting he bribed his three kids with the promise of a dog and a trip to Disney World in order to move to Cleveland.

A dog and a trip to Disney World??? I mean, what are his kids, two years old? Even if that's the case, they still got hoodwinked. I know that all they've ever known is the Minnesota cold, but we're still talking about CLEVELAND here. And daddy just inked a 5-year contract to be a head coach in the NFL. We're talking probably somewhere around $30 million. And they want a dog? Kids could've bought the entire puppy mill.

I don't know, you guys. If Dad really wants to know what you want to move to Cleveland, I'm getting out the roll of parchment. That's going to be a longgggg list. And it's going to factor in a whole lot more than just the cold, snow, and flammable river. It's also going to factor in that your name is now permanently attached to the Cleveland Browns. Pure embarrassment. "I have given you my soul, but leave me my name!!!" - John Proctor. There's a little Crucible reference for you guys that aren't familiar with the current 11th grade English curriculum.

So yeah, what would it take you to move to Cleveland? It took me $33,991 when I signed on the dotted line for my first job. But I have a feeling that some of you out-of-towners are probably a little more particular about having to live in the Hardland of America. Seems like a lot of unwarranted hate and judgement comes our way. The cost of living is pretty low though compared to the other top tier cities in this country!