A Florida Man Was Arrested For Allegedly Cutting The Brakes Of At Least A Dozen Electric Scooters

NBC- A 59-year-old Fort Lauderdale man is accused of cutting the brake lines on more than a dozen electric rental scooters in the Florida city, police said Tuesday. Officers said they saw Randall Thomas Williams tampering with the brakes on one scooter and he appeared to be preparing to do the same to others, according to a police affidavit.

He was arrested Sunday and faces a charge of felony criminal mischief. Twenty scooters with severed brake lines were found in the area, most of which occurred Saturday and Sunday, police said. But more than 140 of the e-scooters have been vandalized in the city since April. Police say Williams is a suspect in those cases, too. The majority of those cases occurred within a two-block area of William’s home and the scooters all were damaged in the same manner, according to the affidavit.

Just when I thought we were starting to make some headway on repairing the reputations of Florida and all of the Florida Men that reside inside of that lawless jungle, Randall Thomas Williams had to go ahead and get thrown in the clink for cutting brakes of electric scooters. You see, usually when Florida Man is in the news, it is for something incredibly stupid or something incredibly dangerous that happened in the heat of the moment.

Who amongst us hasn’t pulled a samurai sword on someone during a moment of untethered rage?

However, I cannot lump cutting a bunch of peoples’ brakes in the same bucket of stories that was done by people that have an IQ of 50, were blindly furious, and/or tweaking their dicks off on meth. Cutting the brakes of scooters that can hit 20-40 MPH is some true sociopathic shit because you know full well you can fuck someone up good but won’t even see the carnage you caused, save for maybe a mention in the newspaper (I guarantee crazy Florida Men still read the hard copy newspaper). I know Randall Thomas Williams has three names, which is a huge red flag. But that red flag is usually waving because it means the person may be an assassin, not a psycho. When I saw this story, the first person I thought of was Charlie Kelly when he cut the brakes because was trying to act like a Wild Card.

If you do something in real life that Charlie Kelly did in Always Sunny when he was being the most extreme version of himself, you should be arrested. And if you do it a dozen, 20, or 100+ times, you should be buried under the jail. Case closed.

Time to update the sign and bring back the most used gif in Barstool history.