Sick And Tired Of Hearing About All These Little Kids Eating Laundry Detergent Pods

Associated Press – Accidental poisonings from squishy laundry detergent packets sometimes mistaken for toys or candy landed more than 700 U.S. children in the hospital in just two years, researchers report. Coma and seizures were among the most serious complications. The cases stem from the more than 17,000 poison center calls about the products received in the past two years. The calls involved children younger than 6 and most weren’t seriously harmed…Some manufacturers already have revised packaging and labels in efforts to make the detergent packets or “pods” safer for children. The study found calls dipped slightly after some of those changes were made.

I swear to god if any of these babies end up ruining laundry detergent pods for me I am going to lose my gosh darned mind. As someone who has just recently begun to do his own laundry, these pods have been nothing less than a blessing to me. Probably one of my favorite inventions of modern day times. If it weren’t for these pods, I’d realistically be forced to do my laundry on a monthly basis. But these little pods are the easiest things to use in the world and make life worth living. Now all of a sudden all these parents are up in arms about them. Say that they’re a “hazard” to children because they mistake them for candy and try to eat them. Well guess what, you idiots. You’re the hazards.

If you’re a parent and aren’t smart enough to keep your laundry detergent pods as far away as possible from your little snot-nosed baby well then you’re more of a hazard than any laundry product will ever be. But somehow I see these stupid parents winning the battle here. Somehow someway they’ll end up getting these things removed from the shelves and all the progress I’ve made in growing up will go right down the drain. If your child gets a hold of one of these pods and ends up trying to eat it, I think the punishment for the parent should be that he or she should have to eat one as well. Don’t punish Tide for being the most brilliant company ever. Punish the parent for being the worst parent in America. Hey Obama, if you’re reading this, please don’t sign any legislation that bans laundry detergent pods. I won’t be able to take it.

Sidenote: At what point in growing up do you stop feeling accomplished and proud of yourself for doing your own laundry? Every time I do a load I feel like I’m the most productive human in the world.