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Nobody Understands How Umbrellas Work Less Than This Woman At The Miami Open

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I have found myself in quite a predicament here. On one hand, I’d love to make fun of this girl for having absolutely no idea how umbrellas work. It appears as if she is totally clueless of the fact that they are dome shaped which would result in drops of rain rolling down and off the sides of the umbrella. Perhaps she was originally under the assumption that umbrellas were like a bucket of some sorts that just collects and stores all of the rain with zero drippage. Unfortunately, however, that was not the case but it took a while for her to figure that out as she continuously put this tennis player’s head directly under the edge of the umbrella. Tough break for sure.

On the other hand, I despise the invention of the umbrella and hate everybody who uses one. If you use an umbrella, you are one of the most selfish sons of bitches on the planet. Because everywhere you walk, you are constantly putting everybody else at danger. At the very least, you’re going to drip even more rain onto the person who is walking next to you without an umbrella. At the very worst, you are walking around with a large weapon which could end up stabbing somebody directly in the eye. Do you really want somebody else to go blind just because you didn’t want to get a little wet from walking in the rain? Grow up. It’s water. It’s not going to kill you unless you’re a witch.

Pretty much if you use an umbrella, you’re a witch. And guess what they used to do to witches back in the 1400s? Let’s just say it wasn’t good for them. But now the witches are starting to get comfortable again. They’re getting cocky and they’re showing off with their giant ass umbrellas that are just a nuisance to everybody else around them. Makes me sick. So I’m glad that this girl is out here fighting the War Against Umbrellas. Though she may not know it, she is showing the world just how goddamn ridiculous it is that these things exist in the first place. IT’S JUST RAIN. The world would never be able to exist if it weren’t for rain. Just let it happen. Show up to your meeting a little wet. Who gives a shit? Especially if everybody else in there just got poured on as well. It’s time to ban umbrellas.

h/t BarDown