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Marty Mush Would Actually Make A GREAT Bachelor

I don’t know why, but I really like Marty Mush. I think I  I don’t know where he came or how he got that moniker, but he’s a weirdo and a character and I think he’s funny. I love the idea of making him The Bachelor for Barstool. Not because he’s good looking or successful or any of the normal reasons why ABC picks people for The Bachelor, he’s obviously not those things. He just fit my new criteria for being The Bachelor…he’ll believe ANYTHING, just like Colton.


You get a hot tip, and you run with it. That’s what makes Colton so great. No critical thinking. Doesn’t matter if that tip came from a girl in the house, a producer, Chris Harrison or a fucking parrot. “Raaahhhh she’s not here for the right reasons rahhh!”. 


Then even if you like that girl and you feel a connection, you have to drop her. That’s the rule to play by as a gambler or as a contestant on The Bachelor. Can’t ignore a tip. Can’t think for yourself. It has been absolute chaos in the house on The Bachelor this year and that is why my only requirement for Bachelor contestants going forward is that he can’t stop to think or second guess himself. That’s it. Everyone is cut. Nobody is safe. Talking shit on someone gets results. All the drama coming from no thinking. It’s the perfect equation. Watching Mush wrestle with decisions and ending up the loser would be spectacular. I am here for it. The Bachelor is back