Can I Interest You In A TV Show Where People Wear Armor Like Knights And Beat The Shit Out Of Each Other Using Medieval Weapons?
So the other night, I was watching the end of the Knicks-Rockets game. It was close late and James Harden was about to hit the 60 point mark when I received this text message from my buddy.
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Now this buddy is not one for hyperbole. He doesn’t exaggerate much or throw the W and A word around lightly. If he says something is weird and potentially amazing, I am flipping to whatever channel he tells me no matter what. He also knows I am a weird asshole that gets paid to look for amazing shit, which told me he wasn’t fucking around. So as the Knicks were inbounding the ball late of a nail biter during what I thought would be the best athletic contest I would watch all night, I changed channels and discovered I hadn’t seen anything yet:
Welp, I think we can check the boxes for both weird AND amazing. I don’t know if it was something primal in my bones going back to my however many great grandfathers watching people bash each others brains in during the Middle Ages or my Throner that has been the last few weeks after dropped those teasers on our heads out of the blue. But watching a bunch of people become a real life version of Gladiator hit all the right spots. After years of our country and sports becoming more and more pussified, Knight Fight just brought us back to the glory days of people scrambling their brains and getting their organs crushed in the name of sport.
If you were a fan of the WWE during The Attitude Era or just a really big wrestling fan, you probably recognize the guy telling the combatants to fight.
Yup, that’s Christian, most famously from his days in The Brood with Gangrel and Edge.
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God the Attitude Era ruled (and was sooooo fucking weird if you take a step back for a minute)
Anyway, back to guys bludgeoning each other.
This is the content that is going to get us through the dog days of February with football ending and March Madness, baseball, the playoffs, and Thrones still weeks away. All those people coming up with football leagues that begin after the Super Bowl dropped the ball here. As a dad, every night is pure chaos in my house that usually results in me passing out wherever/whenever all the kids go to sleep. However, I will be setting an alarm to wake up every Wednesday night at 10 pm to turn on the History Channel and watch people fuck each other up with broad swords and battle axes. Can you imagine a fantasy league with that shit? One of the guys fighting chose Trash Panda as his name. You could have a show about knitting hosted by someone named Trash Panda and I would have no choice to watch. We already had Byzantine and Vikings weapons in the first episode, so the producers definitely are gearing it for not only blood thirsty lunatics but history buffs (that are also blood thirsty lunatics). Give me the mace, the ball and chain, maybe a Far East episode where we fuck around with some samurai shit and include katana blades, nunchuks, sais and bos like Ninja Turtles. I want it all. All that’s really missing from making this a perfect show is the delicious roasted chicken you can get at Medieval Times somehow delivered to your house right before the swords start flying. Shit, I may even fuck around and drink some mead and I have NO clue what that is. But until I figure out a way to make all that happen, lets rewatch the highlights from episode one.
Sorry Dana White, but your reign on the top of combat sports was short like leprechauns.
Here are some more videos of this sport that I never heard of until this week that I now cannot live without.
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To be honest, I never thought of a tournament with each country being represented. Ukrainians and Russians duking it out medieval style in the arena is pure genius. We need a World Cup of this shit and we need it tomorrow the day after the Super Bowl because again, February sucks for sports. Now someone get the guy who plays The Mountain on Game of Thrones American citizenship before the opening round.
P.S. I am still trying to decide if I like them using slow motion before a big hit gets delivered or not. Part of me hates the surprise being ruined but that bummed out feeling goes away pretty quickly when I see a dude get MOLLYWHOPPED by a weapon likely outlawed by the Geneva Convention.