DeAndre Jordan Agreed To A 1-Year Deal With The Mavericks Then Fired The Final Shot Of The Great Emoji War Of 2015

Clem7/01/2018 3:16 PM

After all that, it’s over. It’s finally over. It may have taken 3 years, but DeAndre Jordan is in Dallas and Mark Cuban got his man.

Not only is it over, but DeAndre Jordan referenced my favorite day in Twitter history on his way out of LA by firing the last shot of an emoji war that kicked off and seemingly ended 3 years ago almost like an old WWII landmine exploding in a European town 50 years later.

I imagine we all remember the day when the entire NBA started tweeting out emojis in response to the drama involving the free agency of DeAndre fucking Jordan of all people.

It started with Chandler Parsons’ tweet, which was the Archduke Franz Ferdinand getting shot moment that sparked The Great Emoji War of 2015.

The Clippers then responded in kind with their own modes of transportation for getting to Houston to convince DeAndre to stay.

Yup, this was the same week as the fucking Banana Boat picture. I miss 2015.

Can’t forget Paul Pierce dropping old man tweets from the sky.

Then there was this whole thing where the Clippers kidnapped DeAndre and wouldn’t let him leave the house or meet with Mark Cuban. That was a lot of fun.

Kobe went into #MambaMode and inserted himself into the conversation by talking about his championships like he always does.

The Jordan brand one-upped him because they can.

The Warriors reminded everybody who had just won the Finals.

Which led to Draymond Green…asking about the emojis instead of acting like a wrestling heel?

This emoji war may have been 3 years ago, but it seems like 300 years ago. If an emoji war broke out today, Draymond would be tweeting out all sorts of trolling nonsense and may even throw out another picture of his peg leg looking dick. #Sheesh indeed.

But DeAndre signing with the Mavs officially wrapped things up and pretty much made all of that nonsense not matter in the grand scheme of things. It was almost like one of those TV show storylines where you find out everything was a dream and never happened. The Clippers never came close to knocking the Warriors off their perch atop the Western Conference. The odd thing is that everyone who was involved in The Great Emoji War somehow ended up in a much different place then they were. Blake Griffin got PAID then got his ass shipped from sunny LA to fucking Detroit. Chris Paul ended up in Houston, finally made it past the 2nd round of the playoffs, and will probably spend the rest of his career coming up just short to the Warriors like a basketball playing Sisyphus. Doc Rivers shipped his son to basketball purgatory in Washington DC. JJ Redick spent the last year trusting the process in Philly before getting dusted in the playoffs. Chandler Parsons is cashing a check so big in Memphis, the Grizzlies were rumored to be ready to include the number 4 pick of the draft just to get his contract out of their lives. And Paul Pierce is slowly morphing into Sam Rothstein on our TV.

Even Twitter has gone from a fun website with jokes and absurd #content to a place where the libtards and MAGAtards call each other triggered snowflakes all day. I don’t know if there is such thing as a Great Emoji War Of 2015 Curse, but it certainly seems like it (other than the fact everyone I just mentioned has made millions and millions of dollars since then). I really miss 2015.

But the lasting legacy of all this won’t be the emoji tweets, DeAndre’s doubles doubles in relative LA anonymity, or whatever comes from DeAndre, Doncic, Dirk, and Dennis Smith Jr. forming the Big D’s in Big D (haha Big D). Instead it will be the #SourceWar beef between Mark Cuban and Chris Broussard.

that led to the greatest t-shirt in ~~Barstool~~ human history.

I guess we will never see those text messages after all.

Unless DeAndre backs out on Cubes again. That would be absolutely incredible. I need some team to bit the bullet and lock DeAndre in his house AGAIN just to cause the internet to stop talking about the nonsense that is going on and instead focus on NBA players and teams tweeting emojis.

P.S. Despite everything I just wrote, this remains the best Mavericks-related emoji tweet in history by farrrrrr.