BangBros Is Looking For A Midget To Perform With Victoria June, So I'd Like To Let My Demands Be Known

Anyone that’s been following along knows I’m a big porn guy. I used to sling pirated porn for a living in high school. To say I was destined to succeed is an understatement. I used to make about $7 a week off this business venture. It literally put me through high school. Fast forward to earlier on this year, I came across this tweet from Victoria June while I patrolling the internet streets

Barring the pornstar part these are kinda girls I’m into, thicker than cold gravy.

So I thot to myself it’s on me to keep this girl honest so I responded not thinking anything of it.

Well my perception was wrong and the tweet blew the fuck up. Stoolies haven’t shut up about this since. “Have you fucked that pornstar yet” is always the top comment for anything I do. On Barstool Radio we talked a bit about what it would take for me to do porn. I gave some BS answer that I hadn’t thought about. I think I said something ridiculous like $1 million.  Skip forward to this weekend when Bangbros sent out this tweet:

At first I tried to ignore it but as more and more stoolies caught wind of it, it became harder to ignore. So I revisited the issue and here are my official demands:

• $50k for the scene (up front)
• 3% of all gross revenues made from the scene
• $2k if you want me to go down on her
• $100k to eat ass, cause I don’t eat butthole
• 2 condoms with hot sauce in between the condoms

Office chatter was that these were crazy demands. People saying that I’m asking for too much money blah blah blah. Well I’m here to tell you that whoever thinks these demands are crazy, is a fucking idiot that doesn’t understand basic economics. Midgets are in short supply. Who would turn down the opportunity of using props that aren’t usually associated with having sex like step stools? The amount of new shit you can do, it honestly is a once in a lifetime opportunity.  On the $100k to eat booty, you’d think I’d be a huge #AssEatinSzn kinda guy but I’m actually not crazy about it. My ass is so fat, it makes my butthole seem like a black hole. I wouldn’t subject anyone to exploring it neither am I gonna explore anyone else black hole, hence the $100k. The 2 condom thing is a technique I grew up on and wrote about before. It’s the only thing that puts my mind at ease in high risk situations. That’s negotiable though. Being a notable public figure, (humble brag) and knowing all you motherfuckers reading this are probably gonna spank your monkeys to it adds a premium too.

Anyone that doesn’t see this whole situation the same way I do, is crazy. It’s clear as day. Tommy Smokes thinks I’m selling myself short, which hes not wrong. So if the Bangbros people are serious about making magic hit me up. If they think my financial demands are too much, I’m at peace with that. Funnily I actually prefer doing the nasty off camera so I won’t lose any sleep over this. Anyway those are my demands Bangbros, ball is now in your court.