This Girl's Tinder Profile Sums Up How Dumb It Is When Girls Say "No Hookups" On There

Chris Spags9/25/2015 7:45 PM

Tinder started as a hookup app and I get why people feel the need to put the “No hookups” caveat out there sometimes when you’re a girl and dealing with tons of dudes with various intentions hitting you up at any moment. But you CAN’T have a picture of yourself in lingerie with big fake titties exploding out like the Kool-Aid Man and throw a caps locked NO HOOKUPS at me. That’s unfair on your part. I’ll stop short of “she’s asking for it” take and say that maybe it’s a case of bad branding on her part here. You want nice dudes who’ll treat you well but want to still be sexy, you don’t have to dress like Velma from Scooby Doo but wear a nice low cut dress or something. But this? Come on.

Also lives in West Palm but “works in NYC and Vegas a lot” seems like a giant neon sign saying “I’m a stripper.” And while I always support dating a stripper because professionally naked women are people too, I still say this Dave Chappelle clip sums up the situation best.

And here we are again for another Tinder blog. It’s iPhone release day but no worries this blog will still definitely crash your Barstool app so we’ve got that feature going. Thanks to everyone for sending things in, make sure to follow me on Twitter and send in your screenshots (my DMs are open for your confidentiality) and let’s go!

Genius but now I can’t stop thinking about how awful the parking situation must be at a handicapped porn set (via Ponzito)

As someone who ranks beanies among one of the top pluses of fall alongside Oktoberfest and football, I support Saraya with every inch of my being (via GS)

That poor camel is looking away from the camera like he knows her bio is true all too well (via BS)

Tinder girls love anal like Brick Tamland loves lamp (via Angelo)

Your weekly reminder you’d probably bang a tranny Barbie (via Kaz)

Nothing shouts “back in the game” like a peace sign and cheese smile next to your dead wife’s grave (via Jena)

If there are Stoolie DraftKings millionaires out there they have to be Stoolies who won this competition and I need to know more ASAP (via Rypa)

I smell TacoCorp viral marketing (via LAB)

Tentatively titled Mein Cumpf (via GL)

I get what she’s going for here but white chocolate is disgusting (via JWall)

Hopefully she’s not also bringing the chili in this situation (via SW)

Given the effort involved with her swiping right, getting a match here seems like it’d be a great compliment. Also honestly I have to point out her rack here or I wouldn’t be doing my job (via Ktree)

…so clearly you should come back when you actually have no self-esteem (via Frank)

This lady seems huge and being involved in the situation would definitely be awkward as hell but you have to admit there’d be something satisfying being the bull in some dude’s cuckold situation (via Tallness)

I tweeted this out earlier a couple days ago but just a funny update from a girl on the Tinder blog last week whose mom took her profile way too literally (via AM)

So wait do you actually get to touch her in this process or is she just his BBC pimp? (via Cap’n Moomba)

I’m pretty sure this was the plot of Jesus Christ Superstar (via Rico)

I think I speak for all New York men when I say this is how we imagine every New England girl to be (via Hebrew Hammer)

How about we start the negotiations with a dick half that size that smells like fermented grapes and burnt cheese? (via NHick)

It’s a cliché but she’s hot and in this photo looks like a 50-foot tall woman arriving on our shores to destroy society so sure why not (via BS)

I feel like to even engage a woman like Blyth you’ve got to be previously committed to an open-minded life of candles, satin robes and sensual massage oils (via Camus)

She did say pls (via JR)

The VERY rare four-part Tinder screenshot and, say what you will, but this princess here is definitely committed to her awful awful relationships. Also a Cowboys fan and a Redskins fan? How gauche (via TR)

An update on Ruby the adulterous MILF from last week, things seem to be going well (via JK)

General life lesson: Hot girls and white Jettas go together like peanut butter and jelly (via AG)

I know one dude who’d be in for $10K (via RM)

For the man that likes the idea of women with big fake tits but would prefer to look 30 Seconds to Mars Jared Leto in the eyes instead (via PMCC)

Asian girls don’t get enough credit for being kind of funny sometimes (via ES)

Average girl salesmanship 101, nothing you can do but applaud (via MA)

Here’s your competition for the week and oh man good luck because you simply cannot compete with this one-way ticket to Flow City (via Whiskey Bear)

She could have a face like Baraka from Mortal Kombat and I’d still do a jackpot dance with a match here (via RZ)

Was the peanut butter butthole thing enough of a question that she had to put it up front like an FAQ? (via JMC)

Better than every other girl’s strategy of “Treat me like shit and I might blow you” (via NJW)

Peeing is 100% not my thing but 19 year old chicks don’t even know how to pee on someone, let’s be real, this is all talk. Katie trying to pee in someone’s mouth would be like when they had one of those “fill up the tube with liquid in a jar on your head” races on Double Dare (via SW)

Dorothy isn’t bad looking but is clearly the “newly divorced woman who’d get her Tinder photos done at a Sears portrait studio” type (via MH)

Better a pic of it in her mouth than her vag if we’re being optimists here (via ZF)

Someone must have watched a lot of Fat Albert as a kid (via RT)

And the hot and maybe a bit NSFW ones…

One of my social theories is that having big tits at a young age teaches girls how to be mature younger because they end up having to directly and indirectly interact with guys of all ages at a younger age. I think Haley proves that hypothesis because she’s definitely operating on a girl grad school level (via Kevin)