Short Kings, Rejoice: You Have To Be Under 5'8" To Get Into This Exclusive, New NYC Bar

KB6/20/2019 10:13 PM

Manhattan manlets, your time is now! A quaint and quirky bar/eatery aptly named “Tiny’s” officially opened in the borough’s East Village yesterday and only caters to adults who are 5’7” and lower. Bazinga! The animal-themed ale house conveniently offers a cute, little menu of micro cocktails and mini meals that are “perfect for little fellas with teeny-tiny tummies” according to the New York Times.

Louis Beecher, the proudly petite owner of Tiny’s, said the concept for the bar was inspired by childhood and adulthood trips to amusement parks where he was often faced with the humiliation of getting rejected from riding rollercoasters due to his short(er) stature.

“What if the tables turned and people were denied access to fun attractions just because they were too tall?” wondered Beecher. “I’ve been dreaming about getting revenge on tall(er) people for half a decade now, and it feels so sweet to finally make that happen and rub it in their big faces.”

After years of sitting on the idea, the feisty, five-foot-four former freelancer from Flatbush finally figured, “f*** it” and decided to open the bar. Five years worth of twin-size bed dreams turned into a reality last night when Beecher not only witnessed a packed house at his brand new, pint-sized pub, but also had the opportunity to over-aggressively kick out a 5’8” hooligan who managed to sneak in to Tiny’s. “I forced him to get measured in front of dozens and dozens of people. You should’ve seen the look on his face when he was exposed for being too tall,” said Beecher while struggling to fight back menacing laughter. “If he wants to pick a bone, apart form actually fist-fighting, I’d be glad to embarrass him in front of a large group of people again.”

Coming with a date and don’t want to feel threatened by a bouncer who towers over your itsy-bitsy body. No worries, champ! All of the staff members employed by Tiny’s are also required to be under 5’8” and pass an official height test prior to getting hired.

Open wide, here comes the airplane! Tiny’s diverse dinner menu offers eclectic entrees like mac and cheese, triangle-cut peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and chicken nuggets for the little guys with big appetites. Not sold yet? C’mon kiddo! The bar already has a five-star rating on Yelp and has been getting rave reviews on social media.

“It was honestly really refreshing to not have to stand on my teensy-weensy tippy toes just to talk to people for once,” exclaimed Nathaniel Peabody, a 5’3” finance manlet who went to Tiny’s last night with his 5’5” wife while her 6’1” boyfriend stayed home and watched the dog. “I’ll definitely be back to crush some mini margs with the boys.”